As I have said, I have a book coming out in February and when I spoke with my publisher today, she was not pleased that I had locked my blog, so I am opening it up again. I actually enjoyed the serenity of knowing my audience, and the purpose of a blog is to interact and not hide timidly, so here I am more openly again. I also see that I can lock certain posts, so the whole blog does not have to be blocked.
Emotionally, I am noticing more awareness of in and out, of opening analysis of how I process and integrate joy and grief.
Sometimes something external will prod something within, and then, there is an adjustment almost as though I unfold a little more to better hold the living that is joy and grief. I missed my parents yesterday, a real ache, and so I thought of a bee bringing pollen to the hive, of the healing touch of honey soothing pain inside.
I am aware of the passing of my parents' generation. In my book group, we have one mother still living, and I found myself suggesting we, as a group, visit her. It is as though I want that touch with those who have lived through what my parents lived through. I feel a bit of fear of becoming the "elder" to whom the young will look. I feel responsibility; I want to do a "good job."
Maybe having my blog locked also showed me that I am more extroverted than I realize, that I understand the necessity of immigration in my personal life, in my integration of inner and external, a deeper examination of what that means since I believe so clearly we all are one and you are facets of me and together we learn of unity.