My younger son was a film major in college though now he consults on solar power. He chose, or the world chose for him, not to bring his film out. He has regrets on that. He is here in full support of my bringing out this book. Part of that is worry that I might have regrets if I don't. I've been thinking about it all. The book is always available in this form. I would happily email it to anyone who is interested, so these are different times. They are changing times.
What I do see though is that my mother loved me as I was. I didn't need to do anything to impress her. She wanted me to be happy. That was all that mattered to her. Of course, we all know how complex is this subject of happiness, of joy. Marion Rosen says the deepest place is where all the emotions meet, where joy and sorrow are held as one. I hold the image of the center of the flower where petals, pistil, and stamens are clasped. There is no judgment there. A bouquet is held, open to kiss the world.
More and more I see that this society has given us a frame that seems to be represented as a steady path of birth to death. Accomplishments line up there. But what if, in reality, we are circling like bees, dancing our way from flower to hive, and it has nothing to do with success as defined in some linear, cause and effect fashion, but is the enlightened state of enjoyment, awareness of, and presence in each moment.
I think the reason I resist having my picture taken is it seems static. It is not me. It is a picture of the past, a linear concept. I am in motion, always in motion, actively involved in change. I don't want to be defined. I'm changing moment by moment. The person who began this flow is already changed. I've cried some tears this morning, touched by the comments of two young men and the realization of how much I miss my mother even though I know she is here and yet I still miss her physical form, the womb in which I lived for nine months.
We've all seen the stories on what people say matters to them when they are on their deathbed. I know we need to strive and have purpose in our lives and I know there is a place of letting go. We are perennials. Flowers shine, drop leaves, and come again. We live both human and divine, rooted in what we may not know and yet there is an intensity to our lives, an intensity, and I believe the connecting force is love, the most powerful force, in my opinion, in the world. Why else are we typing words to each other and sending photos and sharing news, humor, cares, concerns? Love!
It may be a silly song, but love does make the world go round. Otherwise we live in a straight line, unaware of connections, possibility, fluidity and curves.