Heart Happy (cathy_edgett) wrote,
Heart Happy
cathy_edgett

Perfection -

When my youngest son Chris was in college, he made a student film here in the house.  Chris is a perfectionist, and I kept saying maybe he could relax a bit. Well, then, through this one experience I will now share, I saw the example I set.

My small house was filled with people and cameras, and I was running to the grocery store for more food and I wanted to make garlic bread.  My friend Evelyn was with me.  She picked up a loaf of already buttered and garlic'd bread, packaged and ready for the oven.  I turned it down.  Then she picked up a jar of already peeled and grated Gilroy garlic.  I said no.  I bought fresh garlic, and in the midst of a small house and kitchen where filming was happening, I grated fresh garlic for the bread.  Insane, I would say now, and even then, I shook my head, but I wanted perfect.  I had an image of perfection, of what "must be", a one way constriction that could drive a person insane. Who knows who or what or why I put that image that everything must be homemade in my head, but now I know that sometimes I can allow unfolding, vision, entry, grace.  Of course, that is easy for me to say when it comes to this film.  I don't have years, literally, of "blood, sweat, and tears" in it.

I got a frantic phone call from Chris this morning.  Some of us received an email saying not to post anything until 8 this morning, but I clicked on the link early this morning and it worked, and it seems others did the same thing, so the link was sent out without Chris's final check, and there is a typo in it, and who knows what else, and I said, "who cares".   Isn't that the point?  The world comes to an end and we find what truly matters.  Not typos, and I am insanely crazy about typos, but what really matters?  I ask you now: What matters?

I, like so many of us, am still with the Zimmerman case. It has me thinking about racism and how the brain works, and what we are programmed to believe.  I struggle with perfection though I know it holds me back.  Oh, I know I can make this just a little better, but what is better?

As you look at the trailer and words for Chris's film, you may find typos or errors. See them as the crack in which the light comes in, as Leonard Cohen sings, or as wabi-sabi.  We sweep the path clean, and then, we shake the trees to bring down the leaves.

Life is beautiful.  We are all here, right now this moment.  What lights our heart?  What swings our soul?

This film came to Chris when he was on a vision quest.  He saw a cloud in the sky in the shape of a foot.  He knew he had something to say, and he is saying it.  He has brought a tremendous number of people into his vision.  When I was at Emerald Earth and they were filming, it was an incredible experience in my life, because I saw my son's vision brought to life through people for whom it so mattered.  We matter.  I was reading something wonderful recently.  It said, we are so little in the body these days.  We are in our heads, but when we notice someone is troubled, we ask, "What's the matter?"  What's the matter?  I ask you now.  What matters to you?  And can you be kind to yourself, so that when you reach to shake the tree, and you are covered with leaves, you exult in knowing the touch of leaves before they reach and integrate into the ground?

What matters to me is peace and ease.  I went to bed last night feeling joy and I woke the same way, each cell singing with joy, peace, ease. Joy contains sorrow and happiness, embraces all.  This is a day where I embrace.  I embrace my life and my sons and my little world of family and friends, and the larger world that includes the planets and galaxies of stars.  Did you know our solar system has a tail shaped like a four-leafed clover?  How fun is that!

I say today, in all sincerity, "Perfection, that static state that binds us in "nots", be gone."

And when you watch the trailer for the film, think truly of what matters to you.  You have this moment, a moment both personal and shared.
Tags: "i's", chris edgette, film
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