Some people know what they know, because they know it, and I am jealous.
Call them values or ideas. Call them articles of faith or first principles. We all have them; I know I do. And it feels so right. In the privacy of my own mind and heart it is all so clear. But whenever I take my shiny idealism out to share with others, it gets tarnished.
Here's a case in point: I recently read a post here on LiveJournal in which a pastor, based on a couple of paragraphs from a book written by Martin Luther King Jr., concluded that the man had not, in fact, been a Christian.
Now, I should know better. I actually DO know better. But sometimes I can't help myself. So I responded. And I was polite, if outraged. And of course my ideas made nary a dent in this pastor-poster or his commenters.
The ideas I hold sacred are used (on a regular basis) to exclude people, to hurt their feelings, to excuse reprehensible behavior. And there isn't a thing I can do about it.
Almost as bad, those ideas I love are regularly dismissed as silly, or ignorant, or insincere. We have become a nation in which he who scoffs the loudest gets heard.
I have so much to share, but nobody wants to hear it. I start to understand why Zarathustra kept going back up his mountain. Why should I lay myself out there to be rejected?
See, the thing is that so many people are SO sure of themselves that there's no point in talking to them. I long for an equal sharing of ideas. That sounds nice, doesn't it? It isn't. It's damned dangerous, actually. What if the religious proseletyzers knocking on your front door were equally willing to be converted themselves as to try to convert you? Who would take such a risk? Very few, indeed.
Fewer still see that this isn't a zero-sum game. I can retain my core values and still find something to learn from those who are different from me. In theory, anyway. It might work if I could find someone different from me who was equally willing to learn without losing their own identity. Dunno where I'm going to find those people, especially when there's already such a vast separation between my way of thinking and that of many people who profess the same faith that I do.
And so I withdraw. The circle shrinks. It's sad, but with work and parenting I don't have the time to seek out new friends. And I am so tired.