Heart Happy (cathy_edgett) wrote,
Heart Happy

February -

We are in our magic week of February.  The acacias offer their unique scent, and I can practically see the sap rising, branches plumping, and blossoms opening.  I feel like I'm watching slow-motion, the changes are happening so fast. 

That said, I have not been able to find Bella.  I realize though that I have not seen any turkey vultures so I take that as a positive sign that she is alive.  I've explored the creeks and the culverts, peered into places I think she could hide, and tried to think like a cat.    Perhaps she is out on a walkabout, asserting her adulthood.   She is a year and a half, so a teenager.

It is odd though to visualize her life energy, personality and integration into our lives, and and, then, think of a dissolution of bones, muscle, skin, and blood.  What is this thing called life?   Bella's disappearance makes it seem even more magical than before.   Where is her Great Spirit now?

The picture is of the fire lookout on Mt. Tam.  It reminds me to keep all my channels open so I can receive what comes.

On Saturday, in sensing, we lay down on rollers, and it was incredibly uncomfortable, even painful, but gradually, the body adjusts and finds a place to "relax,", and one can be as comfortable as can be.  I suppose that is how people lie on a bed of nails.  I found myself angry this time though, thinking that if we adjust too much, get too comfortable,  then we don't fight back, and that is how we have allowed a president to stay in office when he should have been impeached for the treasonous things he has done.  I struggled Saturday with understanding the balance of acceptance, adaptation, resignation, and speaking and fighting out.

Today, in my search for Bella, I think I better understand the balance.  I am not passive, saying "Oh, she is gone, and if it is meant to be, she will return."  I am actively in the hunt, even as I accept that this may be bigger than I, that there may be lessons here I am meant to understand and that this dissection of pain right now leads to an even greater appreciation of life.

This has certainly been a different day than I planned.  My "to-do" list is untouched.  My awareness is acute.   I am noticing what I've never seen before, noticing what is available that she can use to survive.   I see my neighborhood with whole new eyes.


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