Heart Happy (cathy_edgett) wrote,
Heart Happy

Suffering -

Suffering is wanting things to be different than they are. In the night, I wanted the rain to have a more exciting trip as it came down. I wanted loops, fireworks, and curls. Talk about suffering! : )

Perhaps, it is the hopping and popping that continues in my legs and feet, that makes it so hard to settle into the simplicity and ease I normally love and cultivate.

Perhaps I was wanting to hold the rain from the grave. I wanted to give it time to frolic and play, and maybe that is what chemo is seeming like to me, some interference with the natural path my life might take. Am I adding curlicues to the span of my life, delaying the end? Am I missing the natural fall that leads to the earth and emergence with all?

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