My brother sent me a funny W.C. Fields quote which I deleted in my zeal not to post too much here today, so I google the guy, and find some gems. Here are a few.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.
Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
I like children - fried.
Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
You can't trust water. Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.