Steve and I had planned to go to Italy June 17 to 30th. It felt like a push with the wedding coming up, but I thought it would help to distract and yet when I spent time online today trying to plan the trip I could feel my energy wasn't with or in it.
It was meaning a long time before I could see my friends, and maybe there is something about a wedding that makes one very nostalgic about family and friends. What else matters, after all?
Anyway, the meetings Steve was to attend changed, and so they will pick up the fees for canceling our airline tickets, and I never got any other reservations made. I want to go to Italy and I want to be here to celebrate the richness of my "baby" getting married....
I can only absorb so much so we canceled our road trip and now Italy and it feels right to have a local June, when we had planned to be away for most of it.
I feel the pace picking up around the wedding. I know from the wedding of my son Jeff how emotional it is - we shared beautiful times as it got closer and we knew what it meant in so many ways - marriage - suddenly your life and your family open - you gain a daughter, a beautiful one, in both cases, and a sweet, compassionate, and intelligent one. Okay, I had wine with dinner - oddly, I celebrated not going to Italy........ it was too much.....
People think I am disappointed, but I am not. It was too much for me. I ration what I can absorb, so I am happily aware now of moving into the wedding plans and the celebration of Steve's 60th birthday. A friend is picking me up tomorrow at 5 AM to go into the city to the flower mart so we can fill the house with flowers. We have a friend with a card so we can buy flowers at cost and without tax. If you have never been to the flower mart, it is an unbelievable place. I am so excited!!!
It is a special time to celebrate and flowers with their wondrous pistils and stamens, reproductive parts so visible and friendly, are the perfect way to celebrate how young we all continue to be!!
Enchantment, excitement, love, joy, peace and ease to all!