As I respond to Joan's comments on my morning post, it occurs to me that we create a frenetic pace before a wedding to keep us from the tears, from feeling the full separation and unity, of course, that a wedding imparts, but it is so emotional even when everything is so right and on target.
As those of you who began with me know, the wedding of Jeff was complicated because Jan's parents could not accept that she was marrying a non-Chinese. I realize that perhaps all that mobilized a distraction, and now it is just pure, raw emotion, exposed.
My "baby" is grown. Ack!!
And he is marrying a wonderful woman and I love her, and still there is this knowing, this expanding that seeds an extra pulse in my heart.
I have entered my full, efficient mode. I am trying to cohere my two sides, my dreamy visionary self, with my very practical do, do, do self.
I think the work of a wedding is to keep us from the tears that come when we recognize our child is grown up and we may possibly one day die.
Joan's suggestion of a massage, and the fear of that letting go, led me to the shivering lip and clattering, chattering teeth that are maybe what I needed to address. Would I risk a Rosen session right now? Perhaps, I should, and just her words allow me to let down a bit and feel all that simmers underneath, change, expansion, handing the mantle in some ways to those who will raise the children now.
Perhaps it is also now time to say that my good friend Marlene's daughter-in-law Katie is now in the hospital for a month for a blood-marrow transplant. They have a blog to keep us informed, and reading of her beginning chemotherapy brings up my own experience and so I feel a little shaky there too. She has to do this and the more we expand and the more people we embrace in our hearts, the more there is to go through with them, both beautiful and hard.
Prayers for Katie, Ian, Marlene, Ron, and their beautiful child and grandchild, Zack today and everyday for a year.
So, Joan just your mention of the word "massage" brings up all I am holding and have been holding back from feeling.
I will sit and allow myself the tears that are there, as I allow my firmly held jaw to release.
Perhaps that is what I wanted to do for Hillary, soften her jaw.
Great love and care to you all, and thanks to the insightful Joan!