Heart Happy (cathy_edgett) wrote,
Heart Happy
cathy_edgett

Good Afternoon!!

It has been quite a day for me.  Perhaps, I will begin with my morning free flow poems because I believe they explain  where I began this morning when I woke and wrote.  Somehow they provided the imagery for my healing.    What a surprise!    : )

November 15, 2005

 

Guided Imagery

I read Fighting Cancer from Within
by Martin Rossman
and I understand the power of guided imagery
which really is prayer -
I work with my inner guide and healer
and go to sleep peacefully
and yet,  when I wake,
once again, there is fear, horror, terror -
I cannot do this - I can’t -
How now to soothe this place -
Over 30% of people feel nauseous
even before they begin chemo -
I understand -
There is fear,
and is the nausea
fear of the unknown,
of killing,
of war,
and is this war,
or just a way to slow
way down
to slow
with nothing to do
but be poured into feeling
 within -

and does that scare me too?

All these pronouncements

on how we are changed by cancer -

Changed how, I wonder -

I look at the photos of my niece in her Halloween costume,
the sweetest smile -
an angel witch she looks to me
with orange ribbons wound round
and standing out from her black, coned hat -
an orange taffeta dress cloaked in satiny black.
Her chunky heeled shoes are buckled -
This is the image, I realize, of how to deal
with those errant cancer cells -
an angel witch smiling
beatifically at me
from within
and without -

 

 

Instant Karma

offer a spoon and a bowl
to the one packaged in a box
instant
jello or pudding -
add liquid,
plain water,
milk,
juice, or tears -
see what evolves
when you stir,
thickening,
what revolves,
with the spin
in the air

 

 

Instinct

I am caught on simplicity this morning
a ribbon hanging
swinging
one tick
one tock
until the ribbon
braids
with the tick and the tock
falling straight down to the ground,
like an arrow shot deeply from my head,
through my heart,
to  curve in the earth,
like antlers the day -
Raw knowing
Beats inside
The quiver
Of clay

 

 

 

Tears of Healing Come

I sit knowing the images in me
are as real as the fairies
dancing outside
the elves

 I reach to polish each one
and place them on the desk
revolving
on the earth
spinning satellites
like bees
buzzing to sting
anything
not healthy
in me -
now
and now
and now
I bow to the spin
of butterfly wings
continually unpinning
restriction
in me.

 


So, I left the house lightly, and went to the library to check out some books, and there I discovered another array of brand new books on breast cancer.  One is even written by a man for men.  Not wanting any more depressing books in the house, I sat there and skimmed.   A man behind me sighed.  I felt light.  I somehow still can't take in that these books have anything to do with me, and so perhaps they don't.   I did respond to the comments on retail therapy though, taking that as permission to swing by Book Passage.

When I sat on a bench in the garden at the Corte Madera Library,  I was surrounded by Rosemary, Remembrance.   I realize I am not going to lose myself in this, only gain even more to know.   The plaque in "The Friend's Garden,"  offers the words of Cicero.   "If you have a garden and a library you have all you need."   Well, there you go.  I have gardens and libraries.  I overflow. 

One thing I continue to read is that it is not over when the treatment ends.  I may become unmindful of  that little tidbit six months from now, but I ask that you remember, and know that I need you here for all space, all time. 

To multiple paths of health,
Cathy
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