I have felt all along that there were two places for which Breast Stroke was perfect and I received a form refusal on one of them on Thursday and talked to Jane and we decided rather than this, we would self-publish so I went over to the East Bay this morning and we spent the day on-line trying to understand the logistics of lulu, iuniverse, and authorhouse and what we determined in the very small print is that if we want a beautiful hard-bound copy which we do, the cost is such that to price it reasonably we would lose money on every book we sell. We cannot price it high enough to cover the costs, if we are reading the information correctly, which, we assume as two reasonably intelligent people, we are.
I got home about six, very, very tired. My head was on fire.
Chris called. They dropped by the Wildwood retreat center above Guerneville where the wedding is/was to be held to be sure all was on track.
I just want to say that after the phone conversation I drank a bit of wine. There is no chocolate in the house or that might have been the drug of choice.
Anyway, the Wildwood people, who I did think were evasive when we were last up there and I was on the roof with Chris installing solar to heat their pool, have decided they don't want to do weddings anymore and are going corporate and they never told Chris and Frieda, but now all is under construction, and there is not a double or queen bed in the place, and so all the couples, of which everyone coming is a couple, will not be sleeping in the same bed with their mate.
We had been guaranteed a queen bed. Now, we will each have a single, one on each side of the door. That is not a big deal for us, but for young people - fourth of July weekend - imagine the trauma of that - Ack!
Let me reiterate that this place is not one bit on the side of inexpensive. I have never understood the cost for what is offered and it is in a lovely, though rustic, and hard to reach location.
Also, construction will still be going on during the wedding, and they have torn everything up and nothing will be finished. Toilets will, most likely, not be working.
Keep in mind that the wedding is three weeks from today. Tablecloths are ordered, glasses etc. Chris and Frieda have worked literally every single weekend since they chose and reserved the place and put down a huge, and in my opinion, unreasonable deposit, and they have worked consistently and enthusiastically on logistics.
Buses are scheduled to bring people to the place because it is a 30 minute drive on a one lane road. Yes, both sets of parents advised. Yes, we all stepped aside, and yes, they beautifully and sweetly and serenely met and answered and dealt with every objection.
I say cancel it all, get all their immense money back and we'll meet in the park. They will be money ahead, and time and angst.
Frieda is crying. I say how much I love them and this is pre-wine in my sober state, and I feel how true it is and how much that is all that matters.
I spoke with Jeff last night about the importance of family, and friends, and how lovely it was that we would have all that time together at the retreat center.
Who knows right now, in this moment, what the wedding will be, but what I see every day more strongly and clearly is all that matters is how much we all love each other, those heart-strings just getting more and more loose until they fall apart and then come together to tie us even more closely together.
Love is all that there is - love and peace and love and love and peace.
I write this and think of the two men who run and own the retreat center. Corporate money came in and they couldn't resist and yet, they promised the place to a young couple in September of 2007, a young couple who have repeatedly visited and enthusiastically expressed their joy, and I myself have been up there innumerable times. More and more I come to believe in karma, and treating people like this, not letting them know, letting them discover on an unscheduled drop-in, is chicken shit, and not the shit the chickens I buy eat, since I am careful to go for chickens with good omega-3's and all that. Anyway, I didn't sleep much night caught up in all that is seemingly involved in self-publication. Tonight my mind is with parks in the bay area and how to turn a huge event around and get back deposits if they do change the venue completely which is my advice in the moment. The place now feels tainted, and my 21 redwood trees, all greeted me when I returned. They are doing their best to grow and spread a little more in the next three weeks.
In the old days, you might have read about Wildwood retreat center unexpectedly blowing up in the night, but you are not going to see that now. Love and peace, love and peace, love and peace!!
I think I can; I think I can; I'm over the hill. I can!
I guess I am a happy drunk and yet I must admit I feel sober despite testing another wine for the rehearsal dinner - a quite good wine I will say - a great aftertaste made by a great guy - just a small winery in the foothills - made by a lovely man - and ....
Love, love, love and so the Beatles and others get it right. Love!
The ring has been stolen; the shared beds have been taken; and still it will be the best wedding imaginable because there is love.
That is all that matters and each added day of my life seems to make that more clear!!!
And I am typing this as a verb as well as a noun. Love is active. Let your heart melt in the joy, peace, and moistness of connection in the shared pulse and heartbeat of love.
Is the word Love overused? Other societies have different forms of the word and we give it a wide umbrella and that is all right too.
Let the umbrella be wide of love, the sky, the soil, the protective network and mycelium of the soil.