Unfortunately, it was a bit much for me, so I came home, and slept, and then, realized my temperature was rising, so we kept monitoring it to make sure I didn't have to go to the hospital. With chemo, the minute it hits 100.5, it is a danger zone, and you have to call, and go, since there aren't enough white blood cells to fight infection. I slept though, and I feel fine this morning. It is another lesson in limitation. The day was a beautiful treasure, though, despite the discomfort of fatigue, a sore throat and swollen glands at the end. I am certainly now well-rested, and curious about the unfolding of a whole new day.
Elaine sent this poem to me yesterday. I read it by the waterfall. Elaine spent a year making a very special doll. The doll's name is I'Lana. This poem is her message.
Elaine said, "Try to read it as if she is talking to you. She is this ancient shaman, a grandmother, a crone. Here are her words for you, Cathy:"
Here are her words for you:
I am the phoenix that rises
out of the ashes. You know of death,
of loss, of grief. You know that
one day you, too, shall die.
Listen, then, so that you may live fully.
Listen, then, so that you may drink deeply from the river of life.
All you need, I hold for you in my open hand. It is the knowledge that
you are the beloved.
You are whole.
You are full.
You are enough.
All you need do is
make space to emerge.
It is simple.
Do what brings harmony to your soul.
Listen to your yearning.
Dare to have desire.
Do what pleases you.
You are blessed. Don't you know that? Don't you feel it?
Feel the blessings, my child.
Feel all of your feelings.
You are in your body to feel and to act and to hug those you love and to
feel tears on your cheeks and to
dance and
breathe and
sing and
touch.
You are a beloved child, born of the Goddess' breath. You are loved just
as you are. I am pleased with you.
Make space for your Self
to walk
to take solid steps on the earth.
Go now. Live.
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What an incredible gift! I bow my head in thanks!
What an incredible gift! I bow my head in thanks!