I am in the privileged position of needing to spend very little time in a car. I can walk to satisfy most of my needs. I didn't even know the price of gas had dropped because I so rarely fill up my tank, but yesterday I needed to go to the East Bay for three wonderful events, and so I was in my car. I headed out early, traffic not too bad, and my son and I enjoyed breakfast in Rockridge. People are eating out there to support the local businesses, because there have been robberies in the area at night where people come in with guns and rob the restaurant and take the money and jewelry of the customers. It was daylight, of course, but I found myself wondering what country I live in. I have been to Jakarta, not my favorite place and there is an uneasy edge to it. Are we approaching that here?
Then, I went up to Jane's to see some wonderful footage shot by Lloyd of Lagunitas Creek. He proudly showed us his latest work. In one section, there is a surprise. A butterfly flies across the screen, or maybe it is a butterfly. It looks like a fairy, a little white fluttering fairy. As Lloyd says, it is magic.
It was time to go to Annemarie's 90th birthday party. We got on the freeway, and needed to go through the merging of 24, 580 and 80, a nightmare, it seems, any time of day, but I was thinking how bad could it be on a Saturday at 2:00. Well, sitting and watching the time pass by, 30 minutes to travel a very short way, with much more to go, I began to think I was crazy because I was so irritated and angry, angry that we are taking it. Why are politicians not addressing the issue of the infrastructure of this country and why are we allowing it? This freeway exchange is like this every day of the week, at almost all times of the day. It is stopped, because it requires merging and merging and merging and merging. Because I am in traffic rarely, I notice it. I have been to Bangkok and simply walked, because there the traffic is often stopped. I did not expect to see that here, but it seems it is happening here, and it happens slowly, so if you are in it every day, I suppose you get used to it because you have no choice, but who is talking about how to correct these traffic problems?
I find it unfathomable. I am also realized that I have felt depressed about politics since Edward's announcement of his affair. I do not care about his sex life, but I do care that he continued running knowing it would be found out. He not only stood up there lying, he accepted the money of hard-working people when he knew that money was just being thrown into the garbage because of his lies. I don't get it. I continue to overhear conversations where people say they gave money to his campaign. I know people personally who gave money to his campaign. They believed in him, and he threw it all away, and I suppose that is fine. He is human and yet what does that mean and what does it excuse?
There is just enough light now to see the fog is tucked in close to my home right now, cozy. I think it fits my mood as I try and adjust my thinking and my being to accepting the world as it is today. I understand it is about acceptance, and yet how much do we accept? How much change can we absorb? We are accepting unfathomable amounts of change. Most of us have a cell phone and a computer, perhaps even two computers. We travel briskly here and there, and what are we thinking about all this time. What am I thinking about? What do I want to be thinking about? Where is my guidance system, my inner star?
The word Source has been up for me lately. How do I nourish my connection to Source, fill my tank there?
I head out for a walk now into the embrace of the fog. I drink at the well of nature. I feed there.
I realize though that I used to visit what were termed third world countries. I am starting to feel like I live in one.