Heart Happy (cathy_edgett) wrote,
Heart Happy

Morning Thoughts!

A few weeks ago I answered a Two Cents question that my Dream Date was with myself. Some people found that shocking, though Steve understood. I was in the middle of trying to understand what was wrong with me, and awaiting results of the biopsy. I felt alone and happy to swing on a star with myself. Then, when I had the operation, and was floating on all your prayers, I knew that my dream date was with the world, that there was no separation at all, and now, I see how where before I held you all so separately, and in compartments, now, we all are one. I can write one email that seems to satisfy us all.

Jeff has taken over my kitchen, which I have, in the past, been quite proprietary about. Now, I see it is better organized, and the cereal boxes each have their place. It is quite lovely to see them standing there. There is no stacking. When the pantry door used to open, something often started tumbling toward the floor. It was a game for me to see if I could catch it before there was a splash.

This feels symbolic to me. I am letting go. If there is anything here anyone wants or needs, please come and take it and give it a home. I think the change occurred when I had one of my many x-rays. I emerged from the room and saw my insides hanging there on the wall for all to see. I was a little surprised to see that my breast drooped so. They look okay to me looking down from above, and I stood there looking at myself hanging in the hallway, and I thought this is how it really is. There is nothing to hide. This is how I am.

I also experienced myself as so much more than this body. This body is just a puppet. I feel the strings. All of this supports me as does your love, and your prayers.

I am so grateful for this way to communicate, because my greatest fear was that I would lose touch with you all, that I was entering a dark tunnel, and you would be at one end, and then forget me and be gone.

I see now that cannot be. We are all the tunnel and the light on all sides.

A joyous day and night to you all!

How lovely the curling of one,

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