Heart Happy (cathy_edgett) wrote,
Heart Happy

I'm Back!

As I have said, I have a book coming out in February and when I spoke with my publisher today, she was not pleased that I had locked my blog, so I am opening it up again.  I actually enjoyed the serenity of knowing my audience, and the purpose of a blog is to interact and not hide timidly, so here I am more openly again.  I also see that I can lock certain posts, so the whole blog does not have to be blocked.

Emotionally, I am noticing more awareness of in and out, of opening analysis of how I process and integrate joy and grief. 

Sometimes something external will prod something within, and then, there is an adjustment almost as though I unfold a little more to better hold the living that is joy and grief.  I missed my parents yesterday, a real ache, and so I thought of a bee bringing pollen to the hive, of the healing touch of honey soothing pain inside.

I am aware of the passing of my parents' generation.  In my book group, we have one mother still living, and I found myself suggesting we, as a group, visit her.  It is as though I want that touch with those who have lived through what my parents lived through.  I feel a bit of fear of becoming the "elder" to whom the young will look.  I feel responsibility; I want to do a "good job."  

Maybe having my blog locked also showed me that I am more extroverted than I realize, that I understand the necessity of immigration in my personal life, in my integration of inner and external, a deeper examination of what that means since I believe so clearly we all are one and you are facets of me and together we learn of unity.


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