Heart Happy (cathy_edgett) wrote,
Heart Happy
cathy_edgett

morning flow -

This is what came this morning.   I think it helped me work through my confusion, overwhelm, and pain.  I will again listen to the doctors and the statistics and make an informed decision based on the new findings.   My "case" will again be presented to a group of doctors on Tuesday for review.  Until then, I will try and let it all flow into a place of ease and peace. 


Tears this morning,
tears,
everything seems sad to me this morning -
I guess the daffodils need watering,
now that the sun is out -

 

I know now how some people feel
only all the pins are pulled out
I don’t stifle with a migraine
or shake a stick or run about and shout -
I look out at the trees, the sky, the hill,
I say, hold this for me - I don’t need it -
take this pressure from me  -
I hand them a ball  -
and now the hills are dancing,
and playing soccer to crow caws -

 

let the pressure go
the pressure of a decision
percentages
when do they whittle down
to counting angels dancing on the head of a pin -
not that we couldn’t -
we can do anything -
we are so mindfully focused, so attached -
look at what we do -

Marin County has so many new machines,
determined to weed anything out
that before could not be seen -
I appreciate this - all the money raised -
tears fill my eyes in appreciation of all of this -
there is so much care
in this air in which I live -
from every single angle
people in support - it is unbelievable -
nurses, doctors,
and maybe even the machines
pick up the scent -
save life
there is value -
this person,  save,
like clicking  on a keyboard - save -
I feel myself standing on a rooftop
with the floodwaters rising,
only my rooftop, because I am wealthy and white,
is lined with diamonds, and furs,
and I’m lifted
with arms
that are kind.    

 

might it be perceived as suicide
if I don’t take advantage of every
proffered care -
when do I stop and say enough -
if I’m meant to live, I will -
and is that giving up,
or simply common sense -
there is a place to honor
a calling
a new way to trill -

 

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