Our drive up to Petaluma was wonderful. I realized when we leave on vacation, we often are thinking of where we are going. When our destination is 20 miles away, every mile is key. The cows are dwelling on green hills. We live in the most beautiful of places. It was also fun to read about Sonoma and Napa from the tourist point of view. What an area this is!!
Rachel Naomi Remen was amazing, naturally. I am grateful to have seen her. Jan bought me her book "Kitchen Table Wisdom" and had Rachel inscribe it "For Cathy whose daughter-in-law Jan loves her. Blessings from Rachel." Then, Jan wanted me to meet Rachel, so took me up to her, and Rachel, so impressed wtih Jan and her inscription to me spoke a long time to us. I am quite touched.
Rachel found out she had Chrone's Disease when she was fifteen. She was told she would be debilitated, and dead before the age of forty, so she chose not to marry or have children. She is now 68, thanks to many operations and medical science, but she speaks of the will to live as key, and of the mystery and the importance of intuition. She says that life is "outside the box" and most medical professionals think so strongly inside the box they cannot even imagine outside. She helped me with my decision on the operation. It is not happening for me. My will to live is strong. I have shown that. That is what counts.
On the hill in my yard are many Rosemary plants. All of them are flourishing, but one, which is now dead. I look at it, and, as far as I can tell, all conditions are the same, and it didn't make it. I think it is like that sometimes, acceptance of that. I am planning to be one who lives. My will to live is strong.
I am concerned on my red and white blood cells now that the abscess is still a problem, and I am fighting off a cold and the flu. I request heavy visualizations for my blood test tomorrow. I really want to do my final chemo on Tuesday. I will rest today, and pray to get my numbers back up. Thank you for all you do!
Before Rachel spoke, a man who had just been through chemo sang some songs he had written. The first one was on how people said to him, "Only two more weeks of chemo." He, then, described what those two weeks were like. I know this final one is going to debilitate me even more, and I am looking forward to it. I want this part complete. It feels like a major hurdle accomplished. I give thanks for that, even though this singer was very descriptive on how challenging chemo is. He pointed out things that I realized I had been trying to ignore. He also spoke of how he had to battle the insurance companies every step of the way for operations and drugs. That has certainly not been my experience. The opposite is probably more true. I give thanks for Blue Shield.
Love to all of you, and a beautiful Sunday too!!!