Heart Happy (cathy_edgett) wrote,
Heart Happy

I am awake -

Hail this morning, and rain. Cat Mandu hops up on my white nightgown with muddy feet. He is scared and needs to snuggle. I notice he is drinking less, so he needs to go out less. He prefers to sleep and wait for the rain to leave. He is frightened by hail.

This morning, I wake at 4 and rise at 5. I seem to be on New York time. I am with something Jane said yesterday about the “emotional price of a given word.” Do we realize how advertisers search, research and pay to find the word, to draw us in? Imagine if we paid that kind of attention to every word we said? There would probably be fewer words, though now, I think of the bombardment of advertising, but that is radio and television. Search engines are trying to draw us in, in a new way. There is money there. Money leads the search before we do.

The company a friend of mine represented was at the top of the Google search for awhile. Business soared. Then, as he dropped down in the list of what popped up, so did his business. How could he word himself so he was first? As Jane says, could a poet choose a word more carefully?

I check out a web-site this morning that gives personal stories on illness and coping. It is a collection of poems and writings on dealing with the different aspects of illness. I find many of the articles not relevant to what I need right now. I recognize they may be comforting to others. I wonder, though, about the rant, about what seems sometimes, to me, a rehearsal and recording of complaint. At one time, therapy encouraged hitting a pillow to release anger. Then, it was learned that, for many, that wasn’t getting rid of the anger, but actually reinforcing it.

I consider what it is to feel and say I am sad, tired, frightened, angry. Is that enough, or do we need the story behind the feeling, the emotion that stirs?

I consider this. I give you my story. You know I am both disappointed and elated to probably not have chemo today. Maybe that story is the gold around the stone. It wraps around our finger. The ring finger on the left hand has a nerve that connects right to the heart. I feel that nerve.

So, this morning, I am with how to incorporate my life into a seamless piece of purest gold, and wrap it around my finger in the purest way, and, the stone, the brightest diamond, is all of you, shining facets of my worth.

Might it be so -

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