Heart Happy (cathy_edgett) wrote,
Heart Happy

more thoughts -

The man next to me today, Mark used the word "surreal" for this experience. He had been, is still, young and healthy, and suddenly, like that, he had surgery and was in chemo. He feels his life has changed over this winter. All of us there today, in our little section, agreed. We have been given a gift. He used the word resurrection. It feels true. I feel resurrected.

Yesterday, when I was in my "dark night and dark forest of the soul," I decided to read Leo Tolstoy's story, "The Death of Ivan Ilych." If you haven't read it, it is quite something. I will give you some of the last lines from the story.

First, the set-up is that he tries to ask for forgiveness for what he missed in life.   The word forgiveness, though, comes out, "Forego."  He "waved his hand, knowing that He whose understanding mattered would understand."

"And suddenly it grew clear to him that what had been oppressing him and would not leave him was all dropping away at once from two sides, from ten sides, and from all sides."

"How good and simple!" he thought.  "And the pain?" he asked himself.  "What has become of it?  Where are you pain?"

"He turned his attention to it."

"Yes, here it is.  Well,  what of it?  Let the pain be."   "And death .... where is it?"

"He sought his former accustomed fear of death and did not find it. "Where is it?  What death?"  There was no fear because there was no death. In place of death there was light."

"So that's what it is!" he suddenly exclaimed aloud.  "What joy!"

"Death is finished," he said to himself.  "It is no more!"

Ah, what wonderful words to light my soul.    The trees are companions for me.  I see by the light of your eyes in me.   Thank you for guiding, enriching, and accompanying me on my journey.   Celebrate the light!

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