Heart Happy (cathy_edgett) wrote,
Heart Happy
cathy_edgett

Good Morning -

The sun is out, and Mandu insisted on sleeping on me this morning, thus, keeping me in bed longer that I would ordinarily allow or choose. There I reflected on all of this. I let myself feel. I felt like bandages were unwrapping from my head. Steve commented on Tuesday how the fountain in the meditation garden looks like a brain. Well, of course, and it has water splurting out the top. How symbolic it is of refreshment and change. The brain changes during meditation, and chemo certainly allows a place to meditate and reflect. I have had a rest.

I felt this morning how this all happened so quickly, one blast after another, until the final diagnosis of metastasized cancer. Who could take that in? I didn't understand, and so some tears fell this morning, as I felt how it was to go from feeling I would live forever to would I live very long at all. Would I see my family on the East Coast? What happened? It has been quite a journey.

I moved my hands over my eye sockets this morning. I enjoyed the shape and expanse. I thanked my veins for all they have been through. There is scar tissue there now. They are grateful to rest. I am grateful for life and rest. I am grateful to be here.

Thank you!
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