Heart Happy (cathy_edgett) wrote,
Heart Happy

Thoughts on memory

I have decided to get a Macbook Air.  This has involved a great deal of discussion and on-line checking.  I spoke with two different salesmen today, both quite helpful and delightful, and I will go back now this afternoon with my lap-top so they can transfer over my files.  It will take 72 hours.  I may be without a computer until Saturday night, possibly later.

The salesman thought it would be good for me to disconnect.  Actually the next three days are busy, as Joan is out from Chicago, and we are going to explore Pt. Reyes and Mt. Tam for the next two days, and Saturday I'm participating in a sensory awareness workshop so why the panic.  I can control my addiction.  I can.   

I sat outside the Apple store today listening to the buzz of the hive inside.  As I sat on a bench, a little bird chirped at me from the entry to an overhead vent.  I thought of the first cell, and how cells united to make muscles and nerves.  I wonder how those first cells felt when they left go of autonomy to unite to possibly be something more, to be part of something else.  I see how I want to be connected and I balk.  I think there is something about ego involved, thinking I can survive on my own, when so absolutely clearly I can't and don't.  Every bite of food I ingest includes and involves a great many people united for my survival, prosperity, and care.

Anyway, I can do this, I can, and soon I'll have a teeny-tiny computer to go with me wherever I go.  I feel like I'm living in a science fiction world.  Every once in awhile, I overwhelm, and have to stop, and feel the sadness and fear, so I can proceed with trust, openness, awareness of deepening and expanding connection, and joy.

To connect, one must disconnect once in awhile.  I will be back!   


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