October 28th, 2005

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Good Morning!!

Good Morning!

I wake to these words and Mandu’s need to eat and go outside.

“The stars put down stems like straws from which to drink the sky.”

I consider this quote by Carl Jung. " One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious."

I drink the sky like a chocolate malt transitioning toward strawberry, then vanilla. I used to love Neopolitan ice cream as a child, used to divide my friends into ice cream flavors, such as chocolate, vanilla, strawberry, and sherberts, lime, lemon, and orange. Of course that was before 31 Flavors. I suppose now it would be fun to create an ice cream for each friend. Yum!!

I will consider that today. What a wonderful way to indulge!

Perhaps you could each consider what flavor of ice cream you want to be.

I am chocolate ripple with butterscotch and chunks of cherry and marshmallow.

Smack your lips when you consider me, and drink flowers from the sky.

It is another exquisite day.


Showers of Joy,
Cathy
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Morning Thoughts!

A few weeks ago I answered a Two Cents question that my Dream Date was with myself. Some people found that shocking, though Steve understood. I was in the middle of trying to understand what was wrong with me, and awaiting results of the biopsy. I felt alone and happy to swing on a star with myself. Then, when I had the operation, and was floating on all your prayers, I knew that my dream date was with the world, that there was no separation at all, and now, I see how where before I held you all so separately, and in compartments, now, we all are one. I can write one email that seems to satisfy us all.

Jeff has taken over my kitchen, which I have, in the past, been quite proprietary about. Now, I see it is better organized, and the cereal boxes each have their place. It is quite lovely to see them standing there. There is no stacking. When the pantry door used to open, something often started tumbling toward the floor. It was a game for me to see if I could catch it before there was a splash.

This feels symbolic to me. I am letting go. If there is anything here anyone wants or needs, please come and take it and give it a home. I think the change occurred when I had one of my many x-rays. I emerged from the room and saw my insides hanging there on the wall for all to see. I was a little surprised to see that my breast drooped so. They look okay to me looking down from above, and I stood there looking at myself hanging in the hallway, and I thought this is how it really is. There is nothing to hide. This is how I am.

I also experienced myself as so much more than this body. This body is just a puppet. I feel the strings. All of this supports me as does your love, and your prayers.

I am so grateful for this way to communicate, because my greatest fear was that I would lose touch with you all, that I was entering a dark tunnel, and you would be at one end, and then forget me and be gone.

I see now that cannot be. We are all the tunnel and the light on all sides.

A joyous day and night to you all!

How lovely the curling of one,
cathy
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Heavenly Bodies!!

Jeff is the first anonymous comment. He posted anonymously to give me support and because he didn’t want to sign up. He is very protective of the seepage of links. I, think, however, everyone should sign up. This way you can link to me, and meet each other. What fun!!

There is no anonymous. I often thought I was a comet, swirping in and out when I felt like it. Now, I see that even the comet is always there, like the air tickling the tree.

In this moment, I consider what heavenly body I want to be and request you do the same.

What heavenly body are you, now, and now, and now –

Carpe Momentum, over and over again,
cathy
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Poetry, and not -

My friend Jane and I spend 30 minutes writing each morning. She is encouraging me to share what came this morning, my free-flow. It is not edited. I am trying to be naked before you, and show you how each moment changes for me, as I sit in Joy, then, sneeze, and feel the pain.

I think of Jon Carroll who always announces a cat column, so those who are not interested in Archie and Bucket can turn away.

I'm not sure this is poetry, but it might appear so, so I say, like Jon Carroll, I know that not all I place here will appeal to everyone. This is my exploration, in which I offer to let you share, and I know that right now you might much prefer hot-air ballooning, whistling to the cows in Point Reyes, and walking to the end of Pierce Point to breathe in where the continent both begins and ends.

So, my free-flow this morning begins here:


cancer

I speak with this one and that
and they begin by telling me of their pain
then I share mine
and they back away
oh, yours is so much greater
I reach to reassure
no, pain is pain
and this is of my body
which is transient
and theirs is of relationship,
breaking up,
not seeing children,
Their pain must be honored also,
as a fine dish
we all are invited to share -
cancer is a pall we back away from -
and in it, I see there are blessings
I have time to dissect
and the pain -
I hear it will be like dying
and coming back -
Jesus only resurrected once,
look at the gift,
dying and coming back
over and over again
won’t that change the planet,
the frame -
the picture we have of ourselves
reinserted
in living
without blame -




The Sweet Spot

That place on the racket
where the ball rebounds
just right -
I live there now
alive in my sweet spot
protoplasm leaning out
slowly learning how
to take a bow
and say good day,
good night,
sweet life.




Leopard Light

I wait in the hall this morning
to scare Jeff when he emerges
from the bathroom -
it is dark and I forget
why I am there
and I am the one who jumps,
scared -
isn’t it like that -
standing in the hall
forgetting our reason
letting instint take us back
to the mammoth and cave
instead of the spots
that evolve -





To Life

I am a rodeo snail
riding the breeze
driving me -
my hat in the air
I slip and I slide -
wheeeeee -
it’s fun,
being me




Full Count

It hurts to sneeze -
Wow!
I note I am breathing softly now -
trying to stay under the pain -
reach now and evolve -
open slowly the hands -
uncloak -
breathe in support of each cell -
each need -
breathe each breath as seed -
open fully and mount
the blaze
igniting
each moment
within -
begin
full count
be breathed




Today

I stay with my center,
play fully there,
and from there,
like taffy,
I pull,
and cut the segments
that snake
from me to you
and back again,
turning on a lathe.





Blessings,
Cathy
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A Visit to the Forest, Perhaps?

This quote is by Ajahn Jayasaro, and is from the "Forest Path," 1999.

"The forest is not quiet but it is tranquil, and it is teaching you the laws of nature all the time. The things you see around you are just natural phenomena. You're surrounded by birth, aging, sickness and death - arising and passing away in the most raw and obvious forms. As you reflect on those principles internally, your contemplations find a resonance outside of you. The phases of the moon, dawn and dusk, the play of heat and cold, the whole natural environment attains a heightened profundity, because they express the nature of things you're investigating internally. You feel a sense of harmony and a seamless unity between the inner and the outer."

Ah, such peace in these words, and the sound of rain tonight.

Blessings abound,
Cathy