November 23rd, 2005

Book Cover

Good Morning!

I apologize for the gap. I haven't been feeling so well. This is my free-flow of the morning and perhaps will help explain. My energy level is really low, and I am feeling a little sad, and all of that is okay, because as soon as I say that, it may change. I feel Thanksgiving so strongly in the air. It is my favorite time of year.
Joy and Happiness to All!
love, cathy


November 23, 2005

 
the power of positive thinking
I was raised with that
mind over matter
and this morning I sit here
wanting to cry
I feel nauseated
so I drink some protein drink
hoping to keep it down
I’m trying to avoid the anti-nausea drugs
and deal with this as much as possible
on my own
and what is this own -
I go in yesterday for a shot to boost
my immune system -
I think that means energy
though they tell me pain in my lower back
and they are right,
I am so tired -
I eat and it tastes good yesterday,
and then there is Jon Stewart,
and I seem unable to laugh,
and I slip into some odd sleep-non-sleep,
where am I - who -
I wake dizzy,  sick,  nauseated,
and tired -
I look out and try and imagine what I am in nature -
what is so depleted and still lives -
the salmon at the end of the run perhaps,
turning white as it lies on the side of the bank,
at Muir Woods,
eaten soon, pecked - exposed to sun,
and is that chemo,
radiation from within -
I feel myself burning up from within -
is this the place
where I reside in change
just lie there like the salmon,
exposed,
and where is will right now -
I want to walk - to step -
and I want to fall right back into rest,
and awake another me -
my eyes close,
I am the salmon after the run,
asleep -
knowing I wake in other ways
and content for now
to not know
what they may be -
I vomit what’s been inside,
now free -
my nose like a bunny wiggles,
trying to reach for a scent,
it understands in this world,
so unknown and unbrewed,
so untested yet in me -
I reach with a paw to understand
and sit in my hole nibbling
a blade of grass
that begins my climb
to greet the sun today. 
I am bunny.
I shake my ears.
I play,
and sleep.   


Book Cover

"No Mynd"

This is Peter Roselli's car license plate - "No Mynd." It is with me today and seems completely appropriate. My brother sent me a book, "The Circle of Life, The Heart's Journey through the Seasons." That seems appropriate too. May we all be well, no matter what this moment is bringing the being we are.

love,
cathy