November 23rd, 2005

Book Cover

Good Morning!

I apologize for the gap. I haven't been feeling so well. This is my free-flow of the morning and perhaps will help explain. My energy level is really low, and I am feeling a little sad, and all of that is okay, because as soon as I say that, it may change. I feel Thanksgiving so strongly in the air. It is my favorite time of year.
Joy and Happiness to All!
love, cathy

November 23, 2005

the power of positive thinking
I was raised with that
mind over matter
and this morning I sit here
wanting to cry
I feel nauseated
so I drink some protein drink
hoping to keep it down
I’m trying to avoid the anti-nausea drugs
and deal with this as much as possible
on my own
and what is this own -
I go in yesterday for a shot to boost
my immune system -
I think that means energy
though they tell me pain in my lower back
and they are right,
I am so tired -
I eat and it tastes good yesterday,
and then there is Jon Stewart,
and I seem unable to laugh,
and I slip into some odd sleep-non-sleep,
where am I - who -
I wake dizzy,  sick,  nauseated,
and tired -
I look out and try and imagine what I am in nature -
what is so depleted and still lives -
the salmon at the end of the run perhaps,
turning white as it lies on the side of the bank,
at Muir Woods,
eaten soon, pecked - exposed to sun,
and is that chemo,
radiation from within -
I feel myself burning up from within -
is this the place
where I reside in change
just lie there like the salmon,
and where is will right now -
I want to walk - to step -
and I want to fall right back into rest,
and awake another me -
my eyes close,
I am the salmon after the run,
asleep -
knowing I wake in other ways
and content for now
to not know
what they may be -
I vomit what’s been inside,
now free -
my nose like a bunny wiggles,
trying to reach for a scent,
it understands in this world,
so unknown and unbrewed,
so untested yet in me -
I reach with a paw to understand
and sit in my hole nibbling
a blade of grass
that begins my climb
to greet the sun today. 
I am bunny.
I shake my ears.
I play,
and sleep.   

Book Cover

"No Mynd"

This is Peter Roselli's car license plate - "No Mynd." It is with me today and seems completely appropriate. My brother sent me a book, "The Circle of Life, The Heart's Journey through the Seasons." That seems appropriate too. May we all be well, no matter what this moment is bringing the being we are.