November 30th, 2005

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It works!! Yippee!!

Wow!! Thank you! I felt the influx of energy with the first email from Candice sending, well, I prefer to ask before I place specifics of one person's visualizing here, but her creative way of sending white blood cells multiplying my way, began the work. It continued from there. I realize this is the first time I have slept through the night. I hadn't realized there was probably a toll taken from the innumerable trips to the bathroom in the night, because I am very good about drinking tons of fluids all day, but last night, I went to sleep sometime after 9, and woke up just before six. Yay!!! Thank you!!!

My white blood cells partied all night, and now, they are resting while I move about. We have a system. I realize I was ignoring them, and they, are very happy now to tuck in for the day after quietly knitting away all night.

I am deeply touched. Thank you!!

It works.

I also realized that I needed to let go once again of my idea of how this experience "should" be. If I have to delay a chemo treatment sometime, it is not the end of the world. This is about the quality of my journey, each moment. Everything is fine in this moment. I went into a probably unnecessary tail-spin yesterday, and, yet, it allowed me to cry and that is important too.

I guess I was also shocked to hear yesterday that I would lose all my hair in 24 hours. That probably is best, to just get it over with, and it felt shocking to hear. I'm thinking I'll just stand out on my deck, and shake myself off, being more considerate than my cat when he sheds. It feels a bit weird, and the next step is coming, and I got a little bit scared, and now you are helping me again. Thank you!! Now, I have the other kind of tears, the ones of love and joy, and maybe they are all that, but I do prefer this kind, even though I am trying to live a little more lightly in the world of non-judgment. : ) Well, we see how well I do there! Maybe a step or two today. Forward and back I go. It is a lovely dance.

Thank you, and a beautiful day of dancing, prancing and pausing to you all!!

You bring tears to my eyes, and a salty sea to my heart! I bob there, with ease.

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Every Moment is a Moment!!

"Every moment is a moment," as Charlotte Selver used to say.

"People who don't love the moment are always trying to achieve something, but when one is on the way, every moment is 'it'." Charlotte, again!

Here are my momentary offerings of the morning. Thank you for your love and prayers.

Butterflies On My Socks

Why would I want to rush through chemo?
Isn’t this moment giving me all I need,
or could ever want?
Butterflies are lined up on my bright pink socks,
like fighter pilots,
fueled and ready to fly.
Their wings stretch down my legs and out to my toes,
and yet, there they are, like burrs on my socks,
going only where I go.
We share good times, my feet,
and the butterflies,
on my socks.
I tuck my feet under the chair,
and rub my toes back and forth,
on the floor.
My tummy is content,
butterflies at rest.

I accept the pace of my white blood cells,
even as I revel in your prayers,
and the pollen they bear,
for the butterflies,
in my care,
as their flight,
learns to rest,
and honor
what sways
the greeting
of gifts,
day and night.

Today’s Sunrise

So quickly gone that morning blaze
of fire
in the sky,
now back to gray -
I might imagine how many times I miss it -
Instead I savor the times I don’t -
What’s that old saying
about being a mote in someone’s eye -
Aren’t we all,
in the guise,
of coming,
to becoming,
to flapping patches of red,
like red-winged blackbirds,
swaying from cattails,
and singing from wires,
as the sky
swings round
and round,
like the wisdom
in our eyes -

May you receive the blessings of today, moment by moment, now by now, until the necklace clasped explodes in igniting ever more brightly what guides.
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Curious to me -

My hair is growing like crazy. I can practically see it growing. It does not know what is ahead, though it does know what is a head, and, it is happily doing what it is there to do and reaching to finger the sky.

It says something about worry, doesn't it?

My hair is reaching like caterpillars into the air of this moment, and emerging into something new, and, soon it will be part of a bird's nest and enjoy that too.

great love and joy to you,
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I feel your energy pouring in, soft pillows of ease.

Thank you!!

In National Wildlife, I read of the National Wildlife Federation's Great American Backyard Campout. You can check it out at

Many children are growing up without any connection to nature. The idea is to pitch a tent right in your own backyard, or nearby campground if you don't have a yard. What a great idea!!

One seven-year-old campout participant reported, "I never knew spending the whole day outside could be so much fun. I think today was more fun than my birthday."

The idea of this is to counteract the "average of six hours a day" children spend with TV, video game and computer screens. Oh! Okay!

I'm heading outside. How about you?

Happy camping, wherever you are!!