December 5th, 2005

Book Cover

Good Morning!!

I am envisioning today that I am receiving ambrosia from the gods.

I attended an event at Santa Sabina Chapel yesterday on the Dominican campus in San Rafael. The event was titled "ENTER THEIR DREAMING window into the worlds of Rainer Marina Rilke," and was a combination of dance and poetry offered in a lovely, little chapel. That would have been enough, but Ellen and I explored the meditation garden and the grounds. It seems there is another world I was unaware of very close to my home. I feel I have found another ally on my journey.

May your day be filled with discoveries and ambrosia from the gods and goddesses, and angels bouncing us all.
Book Cover

In the mysteries -

Jane and I found ourselves in the mysteries  this morning, as again our poems seemed to criss and to cross.
I began here:


White Tara,
Mother Mary,
Head bowed, hands together in prayer,
Angels -
Those seem to be my guides for today,
My visualizations for white blood cells,
and peace -
I live with the doves today
wrapped in a scarf from a friend
with soft rainbows on the ends -
I feel like the sun
offered a gift
for my tears.




I keep the blinds closed today,
not ready yet to see the light
touch the hills -
I need to feel the dark places inside,
the deep, rich soil,
so potent, and pungent,
I need to stay in that inner place
where rocks are hills
and pebbles slides
and the sun
a wafer
like a hum
the body
and mind


Jane wrote:


The winter greens and lettuce seeds are in the ground.
Cloud-blanket harbors earth against infinity.
Soon the rains will come and we will eat.
Blessing is another word for help.

I write:


I cannot shake this cold.
I blow my nose,
and cough.
Is it a ritual to occupy my mind,
some way to cross my heart
at the door
before I enter
again the mine
that is less unknown than before
and where this time,
diamonds, like frost,
with the facets
newly carved
on the points
from Source




Do the clouds struggle
to form
like a fire
when piled up paper
and wet sticks
don’t want to catch
even when re-arranged for more air -
closeness and air
like a relationship
on twigs -
til begun -


 And Jane:

Another Chance
Then we had brought the smoke into our own house.
Our wants were stilled by fear.
Speaking turned to asking turned to silent prayer and
finally to silence. It was a time of waiting,
not of hope. Being visible was dangerous,
even looking.

May your own mysteries probe and be probed today.   Let them thrive, aware.
Shine a light on the suns within -  Be In!!   And Out!!   Circle suns, like goddesses and gods.   
Twinkle, like stars, in and out.   



Book Cover

I'm back!!

Your visualizations worked big-time. My numbers went from below pitiful to amazing. I am really impressed, and today, was an easy flow. I understand the routine now, and just relaxed into it. I have two more times on this drug, and then, I switch to another one that is more hours to receive, but which is supposed to be easier for most people over the long haul. I'll see, but am feeling quite fine in the moment. I now understand the need to rest. That was well-emphasized today, and to take the anti-nausea medication. I was trying to get by without using what they suggest. Not so smart! The program is well-designed and I will do everything they say this time. So, big breath. Only six more of these to go, and it was amazing to observe how the light has changed in these two weeks. I could see a sparkling stretch of water and a shiny pine tree. The other trees have completely lost their leaves and are bare. I feel serene, and grateful for the quality of my care. Blessings abound!
Book Cover

Non-questioning -

Candice sends this today.  She found it appropriate, as do I.

From an article by Adyashanti, "The Awakened Way."

"The only thing that will move you is the same thing
that moves a leaf hanging from a tree. It's simply
because the breeze blows that way. So you always know
what to do: The breeze blows that way, and that's the
way you go. You don't evaluate why the breeze is
blowing that way because you know that you don't know
why. There's never been a leaf anywhere that knows why
the wind blows that way on that day at that moment.
That breeze changes the orientation of your life,
moment to moment to moment, simply because that's the
way life's moving. And when you're living in your
awakened self you have no argument with the way it's
moving because it is the same as you are. And you know
that the breeze was always there, from the beginning,
and that it wasn't reserved for special people.

Truth never explains why it's moving that way at that
moment. And if you ask, it won't give any information.
It would be like a leaf asking the wind, "Why are you
moving that way right now?" The question doesn't make
any sense to the wind."

Book Cover

more thoughts -

I am sitting with why today was easier than last time. I went today with a different attitude. I came from a place of surrender. I had no energy to fight, and envision battles within. I was more relaxed, and my heart wasn't racing. I knew it was fine to just sit, and so, I did. Instead of racing between visualizations, and worrying if I was spending the right amount of time on each, I just sat there feeling the organism as intelligent. I didn't feel I needed to direct it. I know what to do. I trusted myself, and all was humanly divine.

I also brought the book "Blue Pastures" by Mary Oliver.
At times, I read a bit.

I think these words of hers summarize what I am trying to say.

"I would like to do whatever it is that presses the essence from the hour."

May this be so - an honorable guide.
Book Cover

The moon tonight -

Could the moon tonight be a more perfect crescent basket for placing the day as it arrives?

Thomas Aquinas wrote, "For the hair, it seems, is less concerned in the resurrection than other parts of the body." Now that feels useful for me to know.

Perhaps it is why the Buddhists see a shaved head as a symbol of enlightenment.

There are so many lessons in this, and perhaps, the most important rest in the crescent moon of what I feel tonight - Surrender to what is, and, The organism is intelligent.

The organism is intelligent. I rest there, with nothing to do, but widen my eyes with the increasing light of the moon. The next full moon is Thursday, December 15, at 11:15 AM.

I meet you here, and there, as we gather in the phases exampled each night in the sky. There is change each night, and the change circles around, bringing us a full moon about every 28 days. Now, just how perfect is that?
Book Cover

"We are the ones we have been waiting for."

Jane Tatum sends me a wonderful card designed by Augusta Lucas-Andreae, who is the art therapist at Kaiser Hospice in Oakland and is an inspiring woman. On the card is a Hopi Elders prophesy. You may have seen the words before.   I think it is important to re-visit these words of gathering again and again.  They have meaning for me.   I have often struggled with my hermit side, and I still see solitude as a great gift, and I resonate to these words, "The time of the lone wolf is over."  "For we are the ones we have been waiting for."   And so it is!  We are here, Now and Now and Now!

          Here is a river flowing now very fast.

                    It is so great and swift,

          that there are those who will be afraid,

          who will try to hold on to the shore.

They are being torn apart and will suffer greatly.

          Know that the river has its destination.

          The elders say we must let go of the shore

             push off into the middle of the river,

                 and keep our heads above water.

And I say see who is there with you and celebrate.

At this time in history we are to take nothing personally,

                   least of all ourselves - for if we do,

          our spiritual growth and journey come to a halt.

                   The time of the lone wolf is over.

                             Gather yourselves.

Banish the word struggle from your attitude and vocabulary.

                   All that we do now must be done

                in a sacred manner and in celebration.

          For we are the ones we have been waiting for.  


                                                Hopi Elders prophesy