December 6th, 2005

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Good Morning!

Here are Jane's two poems from today.  She says, "I do not know what they mean, and, yet,  here they are."
I wonder how often this is true of us all. 


Heaven on Earth

In a waking dream, weakness leaves the body of the earth.
Standing still I feel power rise through my feet like water through a tree.
Bounty surrounds my quiet center.
I mark the season. The vault of heaven is my map.

Strange lands and separation are my lot.

The sunrise builds a fire on the mountain.
I chop a limb for wood and warmth.
A bird nest falls.
I carry it inside my coat.

I love these two poems.  I feel "power rise through my feet like water through a tree."   "Bounty surrounds my quiet center."   "The vault of heaven is my map."   Today, I carry a bird nest inside my coat, knowing the bird appears in the notes from the song in  my heart.  

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My check-in -

Jeff informs me that my entries of my last two days seemed a little "dull" to him. Now, that is his interpretation, but I have to admit that I was leaving a piece of myself out. I understand that what is going on with me is hard on those who are close to me, and so, I have to allow space for that, and I am trying to expand around the pain that this causes, especially to one, who is very close to me. I try and address this in my morning poem of today. I believe Jane interpreted this poem as my trying to incorporate all the ribbons of my life right now in a wholly-inclusive mind-body way.
"The Little Prince" by Antoine de Saint-Exupery is one of my favorite books. From it comes the famous lines,  "But the eyes are blind. One must look with the heart..."

I offer my morning flow poem for today.

December 6, 2005 -




no images today

can that be so -

a blank plain appears,

cuts across my scope -

I color it in with blue and green,

draw a black hat crawling to meet

the knowing of The Little Prince,

who I particularly want to meet this morning,

as a way of seeing my own little planet,

through his love of  his -

I was feeling flat,

flattened by the pain of one I love -

I try and lift now, inflate, expand,

to honor one sheep, all sheep,

each individual in my field.

Can we each lift a hoof,

and place it, nibble the grass,

and watch it pour out,

as we observe our turning

under the microscope

of sky -

size of our lives, problems,

suffering - do we minimize

or magnify, or sit absorbed

in how to spread the details

like an archaeological dig

balanced in the now -

one flower lives on a plant in the grass;

another refreshes in a bowl of glass.

Dried petals and seeds

are examined, and plucked,

and some seeds from the past

are planted and grow to light, and bloom,

millenniums later.

Is that why holiday lights are strung

to remind us of all the years begun

and gathered at one time to cheer

and light the pain

igniting the joy -

The balancing points the year.

The star sits atop the tree.

Points reach out to beam.

We each are seen in the glow of the top,

as roots lean in, and out,

supporting the pulse of the year,

and love is everywhere, everyone,  everything.

Don’t beat yourself up.  Look up and see your star,

and how you beam.

Tie those beams together and stream ribbons;

May-pole the December light. 


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An Great Gift!

Petra was delighted to see German on this blog, and so offers her own translation of Rilke.
Vielen Dank, Petra!!

Ich ließ meinen Engel lange nicht los,                             I didn't let go my angel for a long time
und er verarmte mir in den Armen                                 and he died away within my arms
und wurde klein, und ich wurde groß:                         he became small, and I became great
und auf einmal war ich das Erbarmen,                         and suddenly I was mercy,
und er eine zitternde Bitte bloß.                                 and he a trembling plea.

Da hab ich ihm seine Himmel gegeben, -                         Then I gave him back his heaven,-
und er ließ mir das Nahe, daraus er entschwand;        and he left the nearby, from which he vanished;
er lernte das Schweben, ich lernte das Leben,                he learned how to hover, I learned how to live,
und wir haben langsam einander erkannt...                         and slowly we recognized one another.



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Another bit -

I look back and don't find myself so "dull" the last two days. I love all the quotes and sharings, and I knew there was some sorrow there which I am happy now to have shared.

Thank you,
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My Hair is Falling!!

So, just like that, to match the falling leaves of fall, and now, the snow if you live other than here, my hair falls softly into my hands in the shower. It falls so sweetly, after growing so mightily right up to the end. I am very proud of my hair follicles and their enthusiasm for sprouting. They will be back in four months after a good rest. I look forward to my soft curls, as I, also, enjoy the letting go of what is with me now.
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Small world!

Today, I headed back up to 1350 S. Eliseo for my shot, and there in the waiting room was a friend from PTA days of long ago. She and I were called in for our shots at the same time. It is all rather public. You sit in a chair and lift your shirt, and in it goes for awhile. Walking out together, I asked her why she was there, and she whispered that she was only telling me because she doesn't lie in that place. It seems she has had leukemia for seven years, and because she didn't lose her hair with the chemo, she felt she didn't have to tell anyone. I am very grateful that I have wanted to share this. I can't imagine going through it alone. I'm not quite sure why not to share, and I honor that her process is different from mine. She looked great. You would never know, and she was very proud that that "is how she has gotten away with keeping it a secret." Hmmmm! I love my short hair. I think I will love my bald head, and I am glad you all know. Thank you!

Today is flowing peacefully and serenely for me.

I offer an ancient Chinese proverb.

Grant yourself a moment of peace,
and you will understand
how foolishly you have scurried about.
Learn to be silent,
and you will notice that
you have talked too much.
Be kind,
and you will realize that
your judgment of others was too severe.