So, I waved the flag of surrender on the nausea and fatigue today, and went back to bed with two books, Ginger Ale, and crackers shaped like butterflies. I figured I have enough organic produce in me to allow one day of eating what feels right. I'm tired of stuffing healthy food down my throat. I rise now as it is getting dark, and go out into the soft rain. I am immersed in Gretel Ehrlich's book "This Cold Heaven," and cannot be seen in too much light. I go between Gretel in Greenland and Ram Dass in "Still Here." Both of them give me more than organic produce could ever do today. I am caught in their hands, and lifted to the spiritual sky of this day, which is so firmly and evenly cultivating the long, full strings of this bountiful night.
I love all the Christmas cards I receive, and stay with each one for quite a long time, but, today, when I go to the mailbox in the dark and find one that is a red Christmas ball, framed against a soft Thangka-like background with the words, "simple shape - rich meaning," and another one done by a friend showing the rice paddies in Ubud, Bali from a deck I feel I remember, I look and feel the wind and taste the fruit of Bali, as I understand the meaning of shape, symbolism, and myth, and I feel well all of a sudden, taken out of myself, or perhaps placed back in myself. Look at where I have been today, with the dog-sleds in Greenland, in Marin with Ram, and now, pulled again north to the North Pole, and south to Bali.
How richly my life blends.
The solstice celebration is at Muir Woods tonight. I am sad to miss it. I am sure the salmon must have broken through with all of this rain, but I do not have the strength to visit them. Muir Woods is open at night this evening, with luminaria along the path. To greet the solstice there is a sacred rite of passage, and this year, my rite of passage is here, in the dark, in listening to the rain as it softly falls, fertilizing the seeds, within and without, for me and for you. We are one cloud tonight, or so, it seems to me, and it is a richly, pulsating cloud that breathes new life, love and peace for this new year that comes now, 2006.
Tomorrow, greet well, Jane's "young light." I smile. We are all young in this light, and wise.