December 27th, 2005

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Good Morning!!

I feel well. The codeine did the trick. I slept through the night. Yay!!

I still have a cold, but I am up and feeling perky and frisky, like a squirrel, whisky frisky, squirting up trees, and whippling along branches to my cute nest, of which there is one, right up in the high branches of one of our trees. It looks precarious to me, but, to the squirrels it is a cozy place with an incredible view.

We saw a falcon swirl through our skies the other day.

I am excited to feel well, and will soon commune with Jane, and, actually leave the house today, and get out into the world. The cleaning people come today, so that is an incentive to get things picked up and get us all out of the house.

We shared a wonderful cheese fondue dinner last night. It was delicious, and I love sitting around a table with wonderful people, and swirling hunks of good bread in bubbling cheese. Yum!! Yay!!!

A Joyful Day to Everyone Today!!! Have fun! Leap!! Bow!!! Rest!!!! Play!!!!! It is time to PLAY!!
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I am reminded now of a wonderful book by Stephen Nachmanovitch called "Free Play". It is about "IMPROVisATIOn in Life and Art" and it is a wonderful book for everyone to buy and own.  I pull it off the shelf now and open it up.

Henry Miller - "Paint as you like and die happy."    Maybe I will get to my silk painting today.  

Rainer Maria Rilke - "A god can do it.  But will you tell me how a man can penetrate through the lyre's strings?"

Well, how hard can it be?  Jump, and play, and rest today.  Be a child.  Be as a child!   Explore in just that way.  Let curiosity guide you, and follow where you want to go.    Pretend there is a string through the forest, and you are blind-folded, and following your own inner guide.

Sniff your way today.  One odd benefit, or not, of chemo, depending on where I am, is the sensitivity of my nose.  I smell everything.  I think it may be part of the nausea and sensitivity to what I eat.  Also, good news - no more leg shaving.   Yay!!!    See, there are benefits to everything.   You just have to look under the flowers of the petals, where the sun is less likely to reach.  Look up from underneath.

Stand under a mushroom today, and see the gills and watch for spores to spray.  What a day this can be.  Be small;  be large;  be inbetween.  Be active.  Be quiet.   Be part of the scene, and not!!    The world is your oyster.   Form tons of pearls, both black and white, from the grit in your genes.   Have FUN today!!!!    Be Play!!!

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Jane's Christmas Poem!!!

Being home

There is no other place to go
We bury the phone and put work
Into a forgotten place. It will be there
when it needs to be found

We sweep and wash
the countertops, the table
wipe the plates and silver
and lay the fire.

We slowly fill the kitchen
with our cooking - start
with the lemon tart
yellow curd soft as firelight
on the winterwhite wall.

Sun¹s meagre arc
makes smooth the change of light
throughout the day.
Ten and two are twins.
Time shows its passing
Only by our movements.

We have quiet conversations
Mummerings that comfort
Or share the moment
The cat, the rain, the hummingbird
It is sunset when we eat
Slowly knowing every bite.
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My Morning Flow!

December 27, 2005


Waking up to the day,
ah, just now, a touch of light,
waking up to play,
and the dance of the brace
as it parties in the sky -
I am graced with looking
at prayer,  piled, like mountains,  high -



this morning,
gifts -
I am rested,
and in that rest,
like the meadows,
as they spring
from the earth,
waving color,
like wings.  


the rose of my being is open,
heart spread out
like a fish, caught,
and happy to be filleted
to feed many people
with joy, love, and grace -


when I am joy,
can I write anything
of coherence
or must I just sit here,
a fish leaping
up and down
out of the sea -
my sons tell me of a humpback whale
who, waited quietly
while the divers worked
to release,
and then, the whale swam to each diver,
with a touch, of thanks -
how can I not vibrate
in the grace
of knowing divers
were touched, in thanks,
by a humpback whale -
song fills my heart -
the whale and the lark
arc song in my parts -
the dance is poignant,
and strong -


sew -
bow the heart
with ribbons and string -
tie up the world
as much as you can -
kiss a humpback whale
as it splashes and leaps
from the backs, and fronts,
of your feet, and your hands -



hmmmm -
the sky aglaze today,
reminding me of lemon bundt cake -
I have the perfect recipe now -
Soak the zest of the lemon
in its own juice -
I lay my coating gently down,
Enter like a tub,
the simmering brew inside -
Softly I rub
any bitterness aside
left without a glove -



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Energy -

So, I bustled about, and the five of us enjoyed breakfast out, and then, that was it for me. Back home I came to rest, just rest, too tired somehow to sleep, just needing to sit with Mandu on my lap, and rest. I am learning to honor my limits. I rest now, and listen to two crows and the rain.
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Tonight -

I am here in candle and electric light, listening to the wind.

This is the poem that is with me tonight.

The Peace of Wild Things

    by Wendell Berry

When despair for the world grows in me
and I wake in the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children's lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief.  I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel about me the day-blind stars
waiting with their light.  For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and I am free.