January 5th, 2006

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Morning Poem -

Rilke said “Poetry is the natural prayer of the human soul.”

             I am weary and worn-out. Here is my morning poem.



I open the blind slowly today,
a bit unwillingly,
wanting to stay in my dark place,
though now I attempt to ripen,
like the pink of the sky -
willing to rise
and open my eyes
and yet there is that place
in me today of death -
willing to be placed in the sky in
torn apart and eaten this sore flesh -
I am weary today - in need of a cave -
I am tired, worn out, and achy with pain. 
I need to lie down, let all pour out,
all I no longer need holding me down -
Today, I want to be air - no ground. 

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Jane's Poem -

Jane wrote a rosary today, such a lovely thing to do, to run our beloveds through our thoughts like beads, held lovingly in our hands. .  Here is her honoring of today.   May we all live blessed!!

        Worry and prayer

One for Ira
Deep comfort

One for Ann
Freedom from pain

One for Jesse

One for Sally
Days of play

One for Cathy
The long view

One for Jacob
A bright future

One for Persis
Lessening grief

One for Susan

One for Jake
True love

One for Lloyd

One for Gerry
Sinking in

One for Janet

One for Vicki
Blue planet

One for Terry

One for Karen

One for Suzanne

One for Richard

One for Cecile

One for Martha

One for Josh
A dream come true

One for Michael

One for Diane
Dancing hand

One for Peter

One for Terry

One for Jim
Love forever

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government rant -

I call to get the form to get a medical excuse from jury duty since the most I can delay is 90 days, and that will not be enough to get me beyond chemo and radiation. After going through the automated phone system, I am told the office is open but there are no staff members available to help. Call back later. There has to be an easier way. I would definitely not be a happy camper jurer in this moment even if I could serve. Ack!
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checking in -

So, the nurse assigned to me by my insurance company sends me an email this morning saying she wants to hear my voice since I am doing so well. I always communicate with her by email as my easy way, and I am usually doing great, and tell her so, and so today, I do call and tell her I am not doing so well, and as we talk, I realize I am tired, just that, tired. I hop up and try and do my regular day, but I am worn out and I need to sleep, so I am going back to bed. Pushing myself right now makes no sense. I need to sleep, and so, I do, with apologies to all of you at work.
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Change of mood -

Saying I was going to go back to bed, I decided not to, and so, I tackled my desk and the bills. It is fascinating to see my medical bills and all I am tested for. I never could have imagined, and I am grateful to have money to pay my bills. I renewed my car license on-line, the modern world. So, I have shifted, and am now a part of this day, even though Mandu's contribution is to curl into a ball. I am uncurled and looking up and out, honoring my predator eyes that view straight ahead, and my prey eyes that see also to the side.

Good cheer to all, and shifting tides!
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This comes from my friend Stefan, president of the Sensory Awareness Foundation.
What a strong, powerful statement by Hanns Dieter Husch, this is!  
(Visualize two dots over the "u".  I am not computer competent enough to place them there.)

When the soldiers come,
Lure them onto the roof of the dove
Lure them into the nest of the swallow
Lure them into the cave of the lioness
Lure them into the forest of the deer.
Approach them with open hands full of bread, and salt, and fruit,
and wine -
so that they loose they way in the brushwood of your virtues;
so that they get lost in the maze of your friendliness.
Let them be amazed.
Let their generals and presidents be ashamed.
Let their henchman run aground.
Be a lowland of courtesy
Intelligence be your weapon
Patience be your strength
Love be your narrative
Your silence be your victory - so that the governors will wonder. 

Hanns Dieter Husch, 1925- 2005
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rescue and stamps -

Jeff answered my emergency summons and came by today to help me through the day. I am deeply appreciative of that. I note that the price of stamps is going up January 8th, so if you didn't catch it, it is now two more cents for each piece of mail. I also note how much longer today was. It was still light here, with a lovely pink sky at 5:20. Wow!! Spring has sprung!! Happy jumping into that!