January 25th, 2006

Book Cover

Good Morning!

I wake, feeling a deep connection to Source, like a leaf must feel from a tree. I feel why petals curve and hills roll. Waves are flowing through me. I come to the computer to read the news, depressing, as usual, and realize my nose is running, only it is blood. I have never had a nose bleed, so wonder if this is another side-effect of the chemo, or simply the dryness of the air.

I am reading Emerson. I highly recommend his Divinity School address at Cambridge in 1838. What a contrast to reading that and the Bushies cover up of their incompetence and negligance in New Orleans. Also, the Republicans have snuck in a 22 billion dollar windfall to the medical insurance companies. I think of conscience. Each of us will die. I know delusion is possible, but, certainly, somewhere there is a core of knowing when you've crossed the line. I try to live in a world of non-duality and non-judgment, and still, I believe there is a core running through our veins, connecting our blood, like sap, and the roots of trees.
Book Cover

Inbetween -

In between

 

Today, in my writing with Jane, I find myself with the mottled sky of blue and pink, and the changing of the tides.  When I cross the Richmond bridge, and look down sometimes, the tide is in that changing, not going in or out, just sort of roiling there, feeling a call to mobilize one way or the other, and turn. 

 

Perhaps, that is where I am today.  I feel well, and in that, I feel sad.  There is no story to the sadness.  I think today I might touch the tears that have been glacially held for awhile.  Perhaps the warmth of yesterday allowed a thaw, or the feeling well is allowing a space to feel sadness, just that, sadness, or perhaps, it is wholeness, that I feel, sadness and joy at the same time, the place of deepest feeling.  Perhaps, I touch there today, and there, for me, there are no words.  I am feeling today, just that, peace, and tears held like fog in suspension, enclosing a place to be.  

 

The Chinese New Year approaches, a celebration of new moon to full, of abundance, family, connection.  Fifteen days to celebrate the coming of the New Year.  I like that.  It fits my mood.  We need more than one.