February 21st, 2006

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A Good and Glorious Morning!!

And a good and glorious morning it is!!
I am feeling well in the moment. Yay!
This last week has been a rough one, and I am glad to feel the chemo has now moved a bit more through.
I am sad to now be losing my eyebrows and eyelashes and it is what it is.  It is one more letting go.
I'm not sure that they ever really did that much, and, perhaps it is more efficient to have more space on my face. 

I have two poems this morning.  The first one came from the joy of hearing about the two year old's birthday party Jane attended this weekend.
The second was taught to me today by the tree outside my window.  It is perhaps harder to follow,and takes some time, but it feels meaningful to me, and so, I place it here, in case it has meaning for you!

A joyful day to all!   I just realized that this truly is George Washington's birthday.  In the old days, we got the actual days off, February 18th for Lincoln, and February 21st for Washington.  Now, they are lumped together into one so we can have a three day weekend, and spend money at holiday sales.  It is a most strange world, and so, we must welcome it, and spin in currents I think we can dip an oar in to change, even as we appreciate all that is.   You are probably thinking, "Is she nuts?  Is she including Bush in that appreciation?"   I have never been one much for cartoon characters, except for the Roadrunner and Casper the Friendly Ghost, but if I put Bush in my mind today as a cartoon character,  then, I feel so good today, I perhaps, I can even - choke, choke - appreciate him.  Clearly, it is time for Tonglen.  I might have a ways to go.   : )    Savor this glorious day!


wallaby bounce

Wallabies bounce in me today.
They bound to juice,
crush wallaby fruit,
and jump up and down to make wine.
You’ve never seen wallaby fruit?
Or wallabies juice?
Then, look, into my mind.



the tree now calls me out
asks me to feel what rubs inside
the movement of the leaf -
I reach with my eyes,
with my whole body
across the space
leaning into a trunk
holding me up -
I see what the leaf
may not see
as it waves there
tempting the sun
to believe
in a space to stir new rings -
the leaf may not know it is held up by a stalk
it may feel loneliness, and grieve -  


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Jane's poem of this morning -

Jane introduces this poem.  

My friends who have two adopted daughters invited me to their younger daughter's second birthday party yesterday. With my own son grown now, I was struck by how infrequently I am within the energy of young children. Then Cathy and I spoke and  Cathy mentioned, how, in our society of fear, those of us who don't have young children have very few opportunities to even witness children. It reminds me of Nelson Mandela's statement about what he missed the most all those years in prison and his response was, the children.


At two, still no words
Tessa knows this cake¹s for her
Big eyes say it all.

If you do have access to a child, give him or her, an extra big hug today from all of us who don't.  I realize how sad I feel about that.   I need a child to hug, and so I send out hugs to the child in each of you. 
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In light of the Thich Nhat Hanh poem -

I realize now that if I want to truly honor the poem of Thich Nhat Hanh that I posted last night, then, yes, I receive all that is happening. I accept. We are in a balancing act. We still need the poles. I will still do Tonglen meditation today, and I do understand the importance and value of each one of us, and I think it is important for us to take a stand, even as we move in the light of the waves.
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checking in -

I am tired again this evening. Fatigue has become a real issue for me. I knew the effects were cumulative, so I am learning to live in acceptance that I need to rest. I have two books to recommend. One is Company: A Novel by Max Barry. There is a glazed donut on the front cover of this book, so it is easy to identify, especially since there is a bite out of the donut, so, you can use your imagination to dissolve that bite in your own mouth. I actually made it through the whole book without eating a donut, though there is a great deal of talk about donuts and what they mean in the corporate world. Donut making may be outsourced. Higher-ups have fancy pastries. It is like that. Where do you fit in the corporate world, and, can you fit and have ethics too? Hmmm! I recommend the book.

I also greatly enjoyed The Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio by Terry Ryan, a local person, I discover. She is the writing half of T.O. Sylvester, a cartoon in the San Francisco Chronicle. This book is a loving tribute to her mother, who is an absolutely amazing woman. She truly shows the Christ-Buddha-Mohammed and every other kind of spirit in action. It is a deeply touching and inspiring book.

I was also struck by how much it has meant to so many that California has reasonably affordable higher education. Two of Terry Ryan's brothers couldn't afford college in Ohio, but they came to California, and established residency, and were able to afford school as everyone deserves. I feel like a broken record, but what is more important than education in this country, that and the environment, and the two go together. People who can read and understand will respond and plan.

So, I sign off tonight, hoping that tomorrow my energy carries me a little further into the day. I do start off, and, then, I sputter out, and I'm finding that resting is wonderfully okay. I am well. I hope you are too.