Rain yesterday, and pounding down all through the night, though now, I look out on some sun with rampaging gray clouds. Wind pours through the trees. We may get hail again today. The heater is running. I take my first Arimindex. They are teeny-tiny, and yet potent. The side effects are not palatable, bone loss, hot flashes, joint pain, on and on, but my intuition says to take it, and all three of my doctors clearly consider it a no-brainer. I am eating soy as a way to counteract the loss of estrogen, since that is what this drug does, cuts off all production and dispersion of estrogen. My kind of cancer was caused by too much estrogen. That I understand, but to go from that to none. Well, I am trying not to worry about the side-effects of this teeny-tiny pill. I will take it for five years. I guess at that point the producers of estrogen will have forgotten how, or given up. It feels a bit strange to me, but then, this whole journey has not really fit into the former range of my experience. Doors continue to open, and flop about, before I walk fully through, and accept, and look back, and feel all of it is all right. It is my life.
I also note that without eyelashes more stuff flies into my eyes. Enjoy your eyelashes, and give them a little treat today. What is an eyelash treat, I wonder. Well, maybe just a gentle acknowledgment and pat. You have them above and below your eyes, so be sure and thank each one. I think of a camel's eyelashes now. Living in the desert with blowing sand, it makes sense to have long, curling filters to grab the "bad guys" and protect the eyes. Today is a windy day. I'll try and prepare my eyes.
I am now content with permanent winter. We enjoyed another fire last night. Each season has its perks. Winter, it seems, is long for me this year in many ways, and so, it is. In the time to type this, the sun has gone back to sleep. And now, again, rain slaps the windows, and I look out from my warm, well-stocked cave, wondering if this year will offer spring.