August 1st, 2006

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Good Morning!!

I slept ten hours last night.  I think going back through January, and feeling the emotions now that I could not feel then has been exhausting for me.   Even seeing what Jane and I "translated" in June shows me the fuzziness that was still there, and part of me is sad at losing that magical, imaginative place, and I am trying not to judge what was there, even as I balance now the two sides of my mind, right and left.   It is a troubling time for me in some ways as I try and understand who I am now, and be with it in calm acceptance, and renewing curiosity.

A beautiful day to All!!
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Mortality -

Jane says she noticed in working with me last week that there is a clarity, a discernment about what is "true" for me, about what works and what doesn't.  I am aware of mortality.  I know the value of time.  That is one of the gifts of this.  I rest a great deal, but my sense is that I do not "squander" time.  I think I understand the difference very clearly now.  Sometimes I think I that am rather sober, but I think it is more that observation is my mode for the moment.  I am detached in some way from what is going on.  I am observing.  My feelings are deep, but I think emotion may be a bit at bay.   I am trying to understand this for myself.   Tears may come, but they are not about something specific.  It is more, "Ah, there is sadness."    Perhaps, this is how it is meant to be, the being here, truly being here, and the ability to observe, and, also, detach, and, in that, discern.  The path is clear.

Some flowers have ultraviolet paths for the insect to follow into the flower to get to the pollen.  Only the insect sees that path.  I feel that now.  My path is shining, in untraviolet.  The yellow brick road is mine to follow, and I continue to feel the home that is within.   I am blessed, as are you!!
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Words, and no words -

I go back and forth on the value of words, as I fluctuate of late.  My acupuncturist says I am balancing male and female, yin and yang, water and earth.  Yes, that feels right.  All is swirling in me, and I haven't yet found the ground of my globe.

I offer this quote by Naomi Shihab Nye to say what is simmering joyfully in me.

    "Since there is no place large enough to contain so much happiness, you shrug, you raise your hands, and it flows out of you into everything you touch.  You are not responsible.  You take no credit, as the night sky take no credit for the moon, but continues to hold it, and share it, and in that way, be known."

    That is how I am today!!
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"Traveling Light"

Brian Andreas has a book called Traveling Light.   He is talking about traveling light, about not having many "things," but I thought he was talking about traveling light, and I have been very interested lately in the travel of light and how it is young and then ages, so I fell right into his book as another step on my path.

Here are some quotes from this book, which Brian Andreas thinks contains everything we need.   He sprawls his writing, and has lovely, little colorful pictures which I can't duplicate, but see what you can colorfully, comfortably create in your mind, as you sink, and rise, and rise and think.  

Brian Andreas:

    In those days,
     we finally chose
     to walk like giants
    & hold the world
    in arms grown strong
     with love

          & there my be
            many things we forget
                in the days to come,

                   but this
                   will not be
                      one of them.


I can imagine it
working out
perfectly, I said.

    I can't, she said.

& I said no wonder
you're so stressed

                                                    Stress Management

It was a day filled with the glow
of ordinary things
& we passed them quietly
from hand to hand
for a long time

& someone said he had picked
a perfect day to be born

&  I think all of us
felt the same

                                                    Perfect Day

Anyone can slay a dragon,
he told me, but try waking up
every morning & loving
the world all over again.

That's what takes a real hero.

                                                 Real Hero

Is willing to accept
that she creates
her own reality
except for some
of the parts
where she can't help
but wonder
what the hell
she was thinking.

                                              Almost New Age

What if we all got along
& people loved each other
& sang songs about peace?
he said.  Would that be
a good world?

& I said I didn't know about that,
but it would be a good summer camp.

& he looked at me and shook his head
& said, It's no wonder you're
leaving us with such a mess.

                                           Happy Camper

No hurt survives
for long without
our help, she said

& then she kissed
me & sent me out
to play again
for the rest
of my life.

                                        Out to Play

I don't think of it
as working for
world peace, he said.

I think of it as
just trying to
get along in a
really big strange

                                        Big Strange Family

How many people
can you love before
it's too much?  she said

& I said I didn't think
there was any
real limit as long
as you didn't care if
they loved you back.

                                           Real Limit

Now, I've given you something to ponder, bounce,  and play!! 
   Happy first day of August!!   Celebrate new seasons, springs, and ways!!