September 19th, 2006

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Good Morning!

The day is exquisite, and I am feeling motivated to tackle corners, and make more space for the kitties to have their own places to play.  I am setting up more cuddly spaces for them, and hiding places.   They love their tower of boxes, and I see how they like to hide, and tuck and meditate like little monks.  

I went to the Shoreline Cafe for breakfast, and again, enjoyed the wonderful waitress there, Alice,  who is 73.   She just had her heart tested, and said how fun it was to run on the treadmill, and then, watch her heart pumping on the sonogram.  I thought of how differently we each meet what happens.  The doctors were amazed at her curiosity.  I remember how terrified my mother was of that test at a younger age, and the doctors finally decided she was too weak to take it.  There is no judgment here, only noticing, since I don't always greet the tests of doctors with the greatest joy.   Alice has the blood pressure of a 20 year old.   She is a waitress because she likes to be out and about.  She had another career and seems to have plenty of money, and she certainly has a great deal of bounce as she moves easily  from one well-known customer to another.   She is cheery with much to share, and much to receive.  I don't buy a newspaper when I go there.  I get the news from her.  I also realize she is a wonderful spiritual teacher.  I don't have to travel very far to learn, and observe.

Great joy, exuberance and lowered blood pressure to you today!

Perhaps, I will also comment on the theft of Jane's computer.  Elaine pointed out it is like the violence of our experience with our surgeries, and then, for me, the radiation and chemo.  .  Whack!  Like that!   And we have been looking for a focal point around which to wrap this book to completion.    So we are viewing the theft of the computer as the "entry point" for something strong, as Jane puts it.  It is certainly providing focus and motivation, and a need to fight back by making sure we are not stopped.   We may have had a momentary pause, which we needed, and now we will come back twice as strong.

I just noticed that where I usually check Update when I post, it now says "Update Captain's Log."   Pretty funny!   They keep trying to make it easier and more entertaining.  I am entertained.   : )
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Communication -

I thought everyone had seen this, but it comes to my attention that not everyone has.   Enjoy!!

        The Difference Between Men and Women


    Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.

     And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: "Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?"

     And then there is silence in the car.

     To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.

     And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.

     And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward... I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage?  Toward children? Toward a lifetime together?  Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?

     And Roger is thinking: that means it was... let's see...February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means... lemme check the odometer... Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.

     And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed‑even before I sensed it‑‑that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.

     And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.

     And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.

     And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90‑day warranty... scumballs.

     And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self‑centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.

     And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a warranty. I'll take their warranty and ................

     "Roger," Elaine says aloud.

     "What?" says Roger, startled.

     "Please don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have... Oh God, I feel so..." (She breaks down, sobbing.)

     "What?" says Roger.

     "I'm such a fool," Elaine sobs. "I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight,  and there's no horse."

     "There's no horse?" says Roger.

     "You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Elaine says.

     "No!" says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.

     "It's just that... it's that I... I need some time," Elaine says.

     (There is a 15‑second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)

     "Yes," he says.

     (Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.) "Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?" she says.

     "What way?" says Roger.

     "That way about time," says Elaine.

     "Oh," says Roger. "Yes."

     (Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)

     "Thank you, Roger," she says.

      "Thank you," says Roger.

     Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it.

     The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either.

     Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: "Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?"

     And that's the difference between men and women.

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Movement -

"The great thing in the world is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving."

-- Oliver Wendell Holmes