October 24th, 2006

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Fire and Ice -

I slept little last night, as the romantic restaurant was lovely, and I can no longer eat as a romantic restaurant invites me to do.   The red wine was lovely, as was the appetizer, salad, and entree, and I am in discomfort with too much food.   We did walk up to visit the Buddha last night after eating and he was alone with the stars, and truly is content and serene either way, stars or bar.   I love the basket of stars on my head, and the Milky Way is a dream.

This island has fire and snow.  I feel the fire in me when I am here, and I truly thought last night I cannot leave, and I am sure I will.  This place just feels so right to me.  I see why so many of those who serve us are transplants.   I think for some of us it truly is home.   Creation is here, every day, and then, there is the ocean in which to bathe.   For me, being able to walk out my door, cross a bridge, pass Buddha and Kwan Yin, find my lounging, covered home and hop into the lagoon with friendly fish is pretty much heaven.

Yesterday, on the ocean floor, I savored the friendly bumps.  Maybe that is it - friendly is the word here.  It seems soft to me, and caressing, and, I wasn't here for the earthquake, but couldn't even that be considered a cradle in motion?

One man lives in a house on top of the world on this island.  I keep visualizing what that must be like.  Wow!   It was unclear how he gets there, and perhaps it is by helicopter, as our pilot flew over to be sure he was all right and had survived the earthquake and his house stood there, alone, on the edges of so many things.

Maybe that is what I like - the edges of so many things - may you rock and cradle today savoring the connections and how they wave.

We are flowing over heart - I want to type heat but it keeps coming up heart - we are flowing in heart here.
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Hawaii -

I consider this morning why there is such meaning here for me.  In addition to floating over the place where the molten lava from the center of the earth rises, the ocean waters here are so fresh and warm.  I consider how we are here, floating in the middle of the ocean as on a raft and I am entranced.   This book I am reading The Architecture of Happiness probably explains for me why this works so well.  This is the architecture that works for me.

Words from The End of Faith by Sam Harris:

    "Consider it:  every person you've ever met, every person you will pass on the street today, is going to die.  Living long enough, each will suffer the loss of his friends and family.  All are going to lose everything they love in this world.  Why would one want to be anything but kind to them in the meantime?"


Enjoy a parasol of kindness.   When we arrived, a woman handed us her snorkel and mask saying she didn't want to take them with her on the plane.  Today is our day to pass the snorkel and mask on to another.   May your day be equally rich, fragrant, and warm.
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Morning -

I enjoyed my morning latte and then, realized I truly did not feel well, and lay down and fell into a deep sleep.  The door is open and I was watching the birds and a mongoose play in our little garden outside, and then, I realized how deeply tired I am, and that there was, and still is,  another layer to rest.  I think that one reason I don't want to return is I don't want to feel the horrors of what is going on "back there."  I continue to read Keith Olbermann and somehow here on my newly created island in the middle of the ocean in this special time-period I can let it go, but how will I handle and feel it when I return?  Can I keep this place inside where I feel so internally and externally rocked.   Each day here I touch many Buddhas and pause by Kwan Yin's.   I will buy a Buddha, probably a laughing one, when I return, and be more mindful of placing an honoring there each day.  I want to know how to live in this world peacefully, how to accept and yet work for changes that seem important to me.  Perhaps, more fully stating that will allow a more easy re-entry for me.  Also, this place is allowing me to feel how deep the fatigue ensuing from this last year.  I am still very tired and worn out.  I feel myself healing, and the healing is not complete.  I would love another week here to rest, and I can rest today and on the planes on the way home.   Aloha and Joy!  

I am realizing now rarely it is silent.  Birds are singing.  When the wind blows, it sounds like rain in the trees.  The ocean speaks.  I feel so caressed here, and warm.  I love the warmth, and the softness of the water and air.

Gentle warmth to you today!   I am also realizing I want to cry.  I want to be the gentle rain washing away the pain that rocks this planet.  I want to cleanse myself and others.  I want us each to dip in the sea, and emerge with wet hair and the smile that wipes water from our eyes. 

Yesterday we watched little ones go down the waterslide, many for their first time.  Such innocence.   Their father's caught them in the pool and showed them how to swim to the side. 

I also watched some men be rough with their young sons, teaching them to be tough, vengeful, and not cry.  The beginnings are there.   There is also a military presence on this island.  We cannot escape the dynamics that rock man and womankind.   There is still work to do, and I work gently here in my quest to "be peace."

I am tired today.   Steve and I will rest.

Restful waves to you, and peace as breast!
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A change of wind -

I must have challenged the gods with my comment on gentleness. The wind has risen and is swirling around. I feel like Mary Poppins, absorbing the change of wind and preparing to fly up into the air and land in a new, and, for me, more familiar place. I am feeling more ready to go, and am slowly saying good-bye to all my haunts. I pull my soul back in and wrap it for flight.