December 14th, 2006

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A Christmas Card Day!

Jane and I both began with Christmas cards in our morning writing.   Last night, we were each with the honoring of that gift.

Jim, Jane's husband, grew up on a Quaker farm, open to those who needed to come and have a place to stay.  He just inherited photographs of that farm, and is choosing from the richness, the image for their Christmas card.   It is yummy to hear of the groundedness of his childhood, the holiness, as they grew their food and tapped maple trees.

Here is Jane's poem for today.

The white house with its long porch settles into the snow
The elms whose kind is gone from earth hold the winter sky
The mother in the picture, head wrapped in a simple scarf
Thin coat against the cold, smiles down at children
Whose secrets left that house.
That world and time now fit  the hand
Slide between the pages of a book
All that we can catch and hold of the ineffable.

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My Morning Flow -

December 14, 2006 -


I sit with presence this garbage truck morning -


presence including the Christmas cards spread on the table

waiting for inspirational notes -

gifts waiting to be pulled from bags,

wrapped in paper,and spangled in ribbon -


I am a letter in an envelope of fog.

Green leaves give my eyes a screen to climb.  


Sadness today

as I realize how hard my illness was on family and friends.

It was why it was so hard for me to tell them. 

I knew what they would endure.


I had no choice. 

They were hanging on the side,

of a ship that did not sink,

wanting to know what to do.




Chemo Brain


Even now, I sometimes pause,

stymied by a word like envelope.

Does it have an e on the end, or not?

Enveloped in a state where nothing registers inside,

I am the Dear John letter sitting bagged

in the dead letter office,

wanting to get out,

and enter the mobile, with an e,

and floating poles,

activity and action of brain

and life.   



can I let myself go into the feelings,

note,  I type “the,” not "my," or mine -

may I enter  -

The gate is closed,

snowed in for now -

I’ll wait for summer and glacial melt. 



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Beyond Duality -

There are two kinds of truth, small truth and great truth. You can recognize a small truth because its opposite is a falsehood. The opposite of a great truth is another great truth.

Niels Bohr

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Live -

I will not die an unlived life.
I will not live in fear
of falling or catching fire.
I choose to inhabit my days,
to allow my living to open me,
to make me less afraid,
more accessible;
to loosen my heart
until it becomes a wing,
a torch, a promise.
I choose to risk my significance,
to live so that which came to me as seed
goes to the next as blossom,
and that which came to me as blossom,
goes on as fruit.

- Dawna Markova, from I Will Not Die An Unlived Life