December 22nd, 2006

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Happy Day after Solstice!!

I am sitting this morning with a multitude of feelings.   I always seem to forget that though it is joyous "work," there is some work to getting Christmas into the form I love, which is effortless once we gather and begin.   Last year, I took it easy, and this year I am wanting to jump in with two feet and two hands and more if I could find them - being an octopus sounds good to me today, and so, I am sitting with what is, and looking for contentment in rain, hot chocolate, and candle flames.

Jane and I received an excellent response on the book from a woman we trust who is a gifted writer, and she suggests we need to reveal more of ourselves and who we are, and, there I feel a rub.   I realize I don't know who I am.   I circle around it, and perhaps, we all do.    We circle around some knowing, as we get feedback from the environment, family, and friends, but who am I, especially now, with all I have been through.

I realize that to finish this book I am going to have to dive into the hole created by my 57 years of circling, and that is scary and I know the landing will be soft.  I have prepared my pillow well.

Note I have increased the size of the print of what I write.  This is my first step in uncovering who I am, and I may go back and forth, and in and out, like the twinkling of the stars.

Why does it feel scary to look at who I am, to present myself?   This is what I examine now, today, and through the next few days.  Jane and I have decided to give ourselves this week as a break, which doesn't mean we won't sneak in and work on it, because probably just saying "break," says, "Oh, now, this is fun," and I think we are preparing ourselves to really dive into who we are, which ultimately is all of you, and specificity comes first, in 2007.

A joyous few days until Christmas to YOU!!

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Letting go - meeting new -

"If we don't forgive ourselves for our mistakes, and others for the wounds they have inflicted upon us, we end up crippled with guilt. And the soul cannot grow under a blanket of guilt, because guilt is isolating, while growth is a gradual process of reconnection to ourselves, to other people, and to a larger whole."

-- Joan Borysenko

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Healing -

Elaine's wonderful friend and healer, Deborah Tash,  wrote this poem for her.

I place it here, as a way to put all that is flowing around us into perspective.   It is a gift to us all!

Embracing The Perilous

How does one embrace the perilous
The journey to the depth
Where the ocean is no longer blue
Death waiting in the shape of a dolphin
How does one embrace the perilous
Collecting stones from the bottom
To build an altar
For the temple of the Self
How does one embrace the perilous
When the body holds clues
Like a tangle of tumor vessels
At the base of the skull
How does one embrace the perilous
Stepping off the cliff gently
Into an unknown horizon
To find an interior knowledge
How does one embrace the perilous
When the tunnel sheds no light
Leaving no way back
To the season of the familiar
How does one embrace the perilous
As the questions become the answers
Dreams suffusing daylight
With the colors of the soul
For Elaine
18 Dec 06 TASH c
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Heart -

"To know how to choose a path with heart is to learn how to follow intuitive feeling."

- Jean Shinoda Bolen

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Poem by Ted Kooser -

december 23


As if to spare the birds at the feeder
any more competition than they already have,
a snowflake drops right past the perches
crowded with finches, nuthatches, sparrows,
and without even thinking to open its wings
settles quietly onto the ground.

        - Ted Kooser -