I am sitting this morning with a multitude of feelings. I always seem to forget that though it is joyous "work," there is some work to getting Christmas into the form I love, which is effortless once we gather and begin. Last year, I took it easy, and this year I am wanting to jump in with two feet and two hands and more if I could find them - being an octopus sounds good to me today, and so, I am sitting with what is, and looking for contentment in rain, hot chocolate, and candle flames.
Jane and I received an excellent response on the book from a woman we trust who is a gifted writer, and she suggests we need to reveal more of ourselves and who we are, and, there I feel a rub. I realize I don't know who I am. I circle around it, and perhaps, we all do. We circle around some knowing, as we get feedback from the environment, family, and friends, but who am I, especially now, with all I have been through.
I realize that to finish this book I am going to have to dive into the hole created by my 57 years of circling, and that is scary and I know the landing will be soft. I have prepared my pillow well.
Note I have increased the size of the print of what I write. This is my first step in uncovering who I am, and I may go back and forth, and in and out, like the twinkling of the stars.
Why does it feel scary to look at who I am, to present myself? This is what I examine now, today, and through the next few days. Jane and I have decided to give ourselves this week as a break, which doesn't mean we won't sneak in and work on it, because probably just saying "break," says, "Oh, now, this is fun," and I think we are preparing ourselves to really dive into who we are, which ultimately is all of you, and specificity comes first, in 2007.
A joyous few days until Christmas to YOU!!