I am working with a few days right now with the book, the days April 6th to 8th. You, who have been with me a long time, may remember that I finished the puzzle in the radiation waiting room, and I was exhilarated that I could do such a thing. Before that, I was heavily in chemo mind and unable to focus on shapes in such a way as to complete a puzzle. I also began "horse therapy." I feel so fragile as I work again with this time period. Each time I go through I am able to feel a little more. I am moving slowly through last year now, taking it in with care. In this moment, I feel like I need to vomit and maybe I do. I need to cleanse.
I am meeting a friend for lunch, so am allowing this nausea and fragility to move on through.
How long it takes to heal and I am grateful that I am able to feel all the parts. It is odd to read one's own words and feel sick. Last year they were just what was happening. Now, I more deeply feel the hurt and see the little girl.
I see a friend and notice that her eyelashes look quite fine. She tells me about "Kiss Me," a mascara that forms little tubes on your eyelashes. I invest in a tube, and I do mean invest. We are not talking Maybelline from the grocery store here. The tubes come in a tube that comes in a tube that comes in a plastic tube. It is like a nesting of Russian dolls, only it is tubes. I now have tubes on my eyelashes. I don't know what to think. Last year at this time I had no eyelashes at all. Now, I have eyelashes in tubes. Tonight I will remove the tubes. I am curious to see what that means. There is a sheet of instructions. This is science, precise. I picture little plastic tubes bouncing all over the tiles of my bathroom floor, though my assumption is that they will dissolve in the washcloth. Life is never dull around here!!