February 8th, 2007

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Good Morning!!

It is another beautiful day with glorious shades of gray.  Though we have had rain, it is certainly not the abundance predicted, and it is enough.

In working yesterday, I came across a compliment from one of the nurses on my first day of radiation on how beautiful I looked.  I tried to understand it as I had no hair and was in my purple cap and wearing a little cotton robe as I waited for my appointment.   These words come this morning.


"Beauty is not in the face;
beauty is a light in the heart."

Khalil Gibran, (1883 - 1931)

I think treatment was so sweet, precious, and caring that I went through it with a light in my heart.
May your day be lit just so today.

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Thoughts -

     I am working with a few days right now with the book, the days April 6th to 8th.   You, who have been with me a long time, may remember that I finished the puzzle in the radiation waiting room, and I was exhilarated that I could do such a thing.   Before that, I was heavily in chemo mind and unable to focus on shapes in such a way as to complete a puzzle.  I also began "horse therapy." I feel so fragile as I work again with this time period.  Each time I go through I am able to feel a little more.  I am moving slowly through last year now, taking it in with care.  In this moment, I feel like I need to vomit and maybe I do.  I need to cleanse.

    I am meeting a friend for lunch, so am allowing this nausea and fragility to move on through. 

    How long it takes to heal and I am grateful that I am able to feel all the parts.  It is odd to read one's own words and feel sick.  Last year they were just what was happening.  Now, I more deeply feel the hurt and see the little girl.
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The Modern World -

I see a friend and notice that her eyelashes look quite fine.  She tells me about "Kiss Me," a mascara that forms little tubes on your eyelashes.  I invest in a tube, and I do mean invest.  We are not talking Maybelline from the grocery store here.  The tubes come in a tube that comes in a tube that comes in a plastic tube.   It is like a nesting of Russian dolls, only it is tubes.  I now have tubes on my eyelashes.  I don't know what to think.  Last year at this time I had no eyelashes at all.  Now, I have eyelashes in tubes.  Tonight I will remove the tubes.  I am curious to see what that means.  There is a sheet of instructions.  This is science, precise.  I picture little plastic tubes bouncing all over the tiles of my bathroom floor, though my assumption is that they will dissolve in the washcloth.  Life is never dull around here!!
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It is raining!!

I am grateful for the rain, and a continuing reminder of this.

    You must give birth to your images, they are
                the future waiting to be born.

                    --Rainer Maria Rilke