It is still too dark to see down below, but I am up early in anticipation. I always feel unsettled when a tree is cut down. Having a house burn down is something else entirely. It was one from the fifties, like ours, small by the standards of the neighborhood. The owner is elderly and hasn't been living there, so I suspected on his death it would sell and we would be looking at a larger two-story house down below. It is odd how I feel inside. The fear is still there. Bella slept next to me under the covers which she never does. Both Tiger and Bella are very nervous and unsure.
What I feel is the power of impermanence, the facade that we build in some way that everything is "just right" and will stay that way. We've been working on our house and actually have it "just right" right now. It was odd to think that like that it could be gone, and also, to feel so clearly that all that matters is family and friends.
May we all have a blessed day. I found myself this morning with the response, "God willing," in answer to seeing someone again. It is an old-fashioned saying, I believe, that probably made sense when life was more unsettled, and yet, even now, change ticks like a clock. Oh, right. Clocks don't tick anymore. Hmmm!
I whip through the news. It seems clear we can't just hand Paulsen all this power, and I suspect we will. Of course, a good many things seem clear and yet, look at the mess we're in, and maybe it is all a balancing act. The earth's magnetic poles may be about to switch. Now, that would provide some excitement. I found myself thinking about it this morning. I don't think I've ever been as scared as last night, ever been so close to roaring flame and had the feeling I wasn't going to leave, that I had to stand there and know what was going on, and then, the aftermath of shaking and tears.
That is how we are meant to deal with fear, the emergency response and then, when danger passes, the letting go. Whatever strain I was under, when I went to bed, my rib cage felt sore, and right now, I can feel a lock in my back at the end of the sacrum. May this day bring soft movement, and gentle peace, and may my sacrum, all sacrums rock with ease.