November 9th, 2009


Candlelight -

Where I live, power outages are a given.  The wind blows; trees fall down, and so it is.  It is worth it to live with trees, and when I hear the wind with its howl, I set the matches next to the candles just in case, but last night, there was no wind.  It could not have been more still, and then, blackness and the sound of a transformer blown.

I lit some candles and then, we decided to head out for a walk and see how many homes were affected.  We blew the candles out. Others were out with their flashlights but the stars were shining and eyes adjust and we could see.  We came home and I meditated.  

One can read by lantern but it is lovely to just sit and enjoy the flickering of candle light and to appreciate how quickly eyes adjust, and to absorb how much and with such detail we are able to see. 

I was actually dreading the power coming back on because I knew the light would feel harsh, and I would think I must check my email one more time before I sleep.   This way, darkness, light, smoke, and scent. 

It was a gift, and somewhere, sometime in the night, as we slept, the outage was fixed.  It's enough to make one believe in magic, and of course I already do.  I have my places to invite the "little people," and sometimes like last night, they offer a gift.

oregon, willamette, 1 proxy falls

Evening -

A few days ago a friend called and said she had two extra tickets to see Ian Anderson.  Would we like to go?  Yes!!

We planned to meet for dinner together in the city, and we left early.  I was driving, relaxed as could be, and also attentive, or so I thought.  The light on Van Ness turned green.  I shifted into first and stepped gently on the gas.  Then, I saw a car running the red light and coming right toward me.   She didn't even slam on the brakes, just rammed right into me.   So, my beloved car was taken away on a flatbed truck.  We took a taxi to meet our friends, and enjoyed the communion of dinner and went to the show, which was great, and they brought us home.

The good news is we weren't hurt.   The bad news is it brings up vulnerability, which is a good thing, as to awareness and appreciation of moments, but it brings up all the what if's.  What if I had been just a little more forward and she had hit the side of the car where I was sitting instead of the front.   Oh, and another odd thing.  I know the woman who hit us.  When I told my friend that I knew the woman, she said, "Well, of course, you know practically everyone," which is not even close to true, but what an odd coincidence.  I hate driving, am rarely in the city, and prefer to take the ferry if I do go, and now, my car is hit by a driver in the city who doesn't understand red and yellow lights, and my mistake, and a huge mistake it was, was in thinking that green meant go.   I actually do know better than that, but we were in such a lovely flow, and now, it is odd to know my beloved car is not in the garage and will not be there for awhile and so it is.  We are not hurt, and yet that really isn't so.  I do feel hurt and scared, but, at least tonight we do have power and tonight I appreciate it.  Nothing like a little vulnerability to make one appreciate light.  

More good news is how helpful everyone was, but I realize part of that is because I have so many cards.  I pulled out my driver's license, my insurance card, my AAA card, my credit card, because now I know my AAA membership only covers five miles of towing.  The taxi driver was from Sudan and we had a good conversation with him and all the people in the restaurant were extra attentive and concerned, and yet it feels surreal.  I don't quite know where to put it all, but I guess it will be clear tomorrow when all the details are there to be dealt with and for tonight, it is a lovely evening and we are not hurt and we are well and I feel vulnerable and even scared.  Tiger has now crawled into my lap, to let me know he is here, so all is indeed well,  and there is fear.