Lance Armstrong -
I think what Lance writes here with the aid of Sally Jenkins is helpful
to consider. I put it here though it is long. It is helpful to
me, and I hope, therefore, to you.
Lance Armstrong:
"What are my chances? It
was a question I would repeat over and over. But it was
irrelevant, wasn't it? It didn't matter, because the medical odds
don't take into account the unfathomable. There is no proper way
to estimate somebody's chances, and we shouldn't try, because we can
never be entirely right, and it deprives people of hope. Hope
that is the only antidote to fear.
Those questions, Why me? What are my chances? were
unknowable, and I would even come to feel that they were too
self-absorbed. For most of my life I had operated under a simple
schematic of winning and losing, but cancer was teaching me a tolerance
for ambiguities. I was coming to understand that the disease
doesn't discriminate or listen to the odds - it will decimate a strong
person with a wonderful attitude, while it somehow spares the weaker
person who is resigned to failure. I had always assumed if I won
bike races, it made me a stronger and more worthy person. Not so.
Why me? Why anybody? I was no more or
less valuable that the man sitting next to me in the chemo
center. It was not a question of worthiness.
What is stronger, fear or hope? It's an
interesting question, and perhaps even an important one.
Initially, I was very fearful and without much hope, but as I sat there
and absorbed the full extent of my illness, I refused to let the fear
completely blot out my optimism. Something told me that fear
should never fully rule the heart, and I decided not to be afraid.
I wanted to live, but whether I would or not was a
mystery, and in the midst of confronting that fact, even at that
moment, I was beginning to sense that to stare into the heart of
such a fearful mystery wasn't a bad thing. To be afraid is a
priceless education. Once you have been that scared, you know
more about your fraility that most people, and I think that changes a
man. (I add, a woman, too.) I was brought
low, and there was nothing to take refuge in but the philosophical:
this disease would force me to ask more of myself as a person than I
ever had before, and to seek out a different ethic.
A couple of days earlier, I had received an e-mail
from a military guy stationed in Asia. He was a fellow cancer
patient, and he wanted to tell my something: "You don't get it yet," he
wrote, "but we're the lucky ones."
I agree. : )
All of you out there take care of yourselves. I have Steve
soaking in the wonderful seaweed-arnica lotion I brought back from
London this summer. Chris used it last night, and I think Jeff
needs it also. You are are suffering with me. Bathe deeply
in your heart and mine. There is wealth to share, and we
must all care for the beauty and fragility in the blessing of living,
for now, in time. Expand your space and
breathe. We are ALIVE!!!! It's Celebration
Time!!! My song for today!!!
My nurse friend says if I am not nauseous, I don't need to take the
anti-nausea medicine. Hooray!! Side effects of
drowsiness will then ease. I should have some energy today, and
also, fatigue, but, at least, glorious movement is flourishing and
dancing in me.
in peace and joy,
cathy
to consider. I put it here though it is long. It is helpful to
me, and I hope, therefore, to you.
Lance Armstrong:
"What are my chances? It
was a question I would repeat over and over. But it was
irrelevant, wasn't it? It didn't matter, because the medical odds
don't take into account the unfathomable. There is no proper way
to estimate somebody's chances, and we shouldn't try, because we can
never be entirely right, and it deprives people of hope. Hope
that is the only antidote to fear.
Those questions, Why me? What are my chances? were
unknowable, and I would even come to feel that they were too
self-absorbed. For most of my life I had operated under a simple
schematic of winning and losing, but cancer was teaching me a tolerance
for ambiguities. I was coming to understand that the disease
doesn't discriminate or listen to the odds - it will decimate a strong
person with a wonderful attitude, while it somehow spares the weaker
person who is resigned to failure. I had always assumed if I won
bike races, it made me a stronger and more worthy person. Not so.
Why me? Why anybody? I was no more or
less valuable that the man sitting next to me in the chemo
center. It was not a question of worthiness.
What is stronger, fear or hope? It's an
interesting question, and perhaps even an important one.
Initially, I was very fearful and without much hope, but as I sat there
and absorbed the full extent of my illness, I refused to let the fear
completely blot out my optimism. Something told me that fear
should never fully rule the heart, and I decided not to be afraid.
I wanted to live, but whether I would or not was a
mystery, and in the midst of confronting that fact, even at that
moment, I was beginning to sense that to stare into the heart of
such a fearful mystery wasn't a bad thing. To be afraid is a
priceless education. Once you have been that scared, you know
more about your fraility that most people, and I think that changes a
man. (I add, a woman, too.) I was brought
low, and there was nothing to take refuge in but the philosophical:
this disease would force me to ask more of myself as a person than I
ever had before, and to seek out a different ethic.
A couple of days earlier, I had received an e-mail
from a military guy stationed in Asia. He was a fellow cancer
patient, and he wanted to tell my something: "You don't get it yet," he
wrote, "but we're the lucky ones."
I agree. : )
All of you out there take care of yourselves. I have Steve
soaking in the wonderful seaweed-arnica lotion I brought back from
London this summer. Chris used it last night, and I think Jeff
needs it also. You are are suffering with me. Bathe deeply
in your heart and mine. There is wealth to share, and we
must all care for the beauty and fragility in the blessing of living,
for now, in time. Expand your space and
breathe. We are ALIVE!!!! It's Celebration
Time!!! My song for today!!!
My nurse friend says if I am not nauseous, I don't need to take the
anti-nausea medicine. Hooray!! Side effects of
drowsiness will then ease. I should have some energy today, and
also, fatigue, but, at least, glorious movement is flourishing and
dancing in me.
in peace and joy,
cathy