Heart Happy (cathy_edgett) wrote,
Heart Happy

Mandu -

This morning my thoughts are with my dear friend and comfort, Cat Mandu. He is 20 years old, and he has been eating very little these last few days. We warm his food and place tasty tid-bits in front of him, and he eats very little. This morning he was not interested in the milk in my cereal bowl. I had asked him to help me get through chemo. He has done that. He often lay on the places that hurt. He may still recover, and I am debating today taking him to the vet, and yet, another part of me knows he is letting go in some way. He is not in pain. He sleeps curled in his precious little ball, raises his head when there is a change. He still hops up on the desk and points out that he is more important than computer keys and a screen.

Jane says she let her dog die at home. This is helpful for me to hear. When I took Kitty to the vet, they did tests, and said it was best to put him to sleep, and I agreed, and they did. This feels so hard, what to do. I feel that in some way my beloved Mandu has absorbed the chemo poisons, trying to take care of me. He is so peaceful now, and I want to do the absolute best thing for him, and I'm not exactly sure what that is, or maybe I am. He is sleeping now. I see his breath is easy. I worry that he is so thin, and I trust that he will tell me what he needs, as I did him.

Prayers for Mandu today to eat would be appreciated. Thank you! And as I say that, I realize, that I ask for prayers for what is best for Mandu. He may be ready to go. This is not my choice. I have tried to work with letting go. I have felt that is what this process was about, but it did not include letting go of little Mandu. That will be really hard. I am not ready to let him go. I love him so very much. He is my companion, healer, and friend. He is the truest and bravest and dearest of hearts.

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