I have tears this morning, soft, grateful tears. We drove up from Jeff and jan's this morning and saw two rainbows, and then, arriving home, heavy rain.
We went down for the AT&T on Friday, and were at the course on Saturday until time to drive back up to Jeff and Jan's to meet Chris and Frieda in San Jose for dinner and Cirque du Soleil, both of which were excellent, and of course, seeing one's children and their wives, what can ever equal that?
We have been going to the AT&T for years. A wonderful man named Jim Balboni organized it many years ago, and it is a tradition, or was, but times change, and Jim, who will be 70 this month, was forced into retirement, and now, a younger crowd has come in, and they view things a little differently. Those of us in our age bracket, the few of us who are left, sat and reminisced. Someone commented that this event used to be about business, connecting, and socializing, but the young come for the golf. Of course, there wasn't much golf yesterday, with the delay due to wind, so the quarters were a little cozy for my taste, though the view is absolutely beyond compare.
A friend wants to videotape my husband Steve to capture some of his knowledge. Steve has been in the business of high-rise buildings for over forty years. He has something to share, and this friend is capturing many of the old-timers who have knowledge of how things actually go together. We need to document the past, and it's odd to sit here feeling very present, and also very aware of the passage of time.
Chris and Frieda gave us the dinner and Cirque du Soleil as our Christmas gift. Reservations were made, so Chris, when he got a project in Japan, rather than canceling, flew home from Japan on Friday, and is flying back out to Japan in thirty minutes. I am touched, and I looked at my children and their wives last night, and realized they are "grown up". Tears flowed the whole way on the drive home today and are with me now. I think we go along, and then, there are moments when we really know we won't be here forever, and that, the rains of today, are making the streams flow, so when it is time, I, too, like the salmon will fight my way upstream, and it is work to do so, and though my breeding days are done, certainly I feel I have something more to offer from the womb, the cauldron of my creativity, and when that feels complete, like the salmon, I will turn from pink to white, and offer myself to earth and sky.
I am grateful for the rain, for tears, for grace, flow, gathering, and release.