This is my exploration of late, this noticing the agitation, fear, and excitement. It is said that fear is excitement without the breath. Is that true? I'm not sure, but then, I'm not sure there is a "truth" around this. Yesterday I touched a place in myself that held holding from my experience of receiving radiation. Receiving radiation, I had to lie flat and still, often in extreme pain. I held "back" literally, held in my back and yesterday there was movement and release and I cried. The woman I was working with said I held so my family wouldn't know how hard it was, and that feels very true, but in protecting them, I also held myself back from feeling what i went through. It is eight years later, and now, I begin to release.
The book is being sent to Ingram Spark and Amazon today. I will receive a proof copy in a week or so. I don't know why this feels so intense, but it does.
I don't usually share my poetry, but I feel a need to share my morning poems, to give a sense of where I am now. May we each find peace and ease.
a spike
the place at the end
where fruit is torn
from stem and root
does it feel pain
the thrust
into something new
it is not death
that fall and lift
it is a passing through
the howl
is it pleasure or pain
that calls out
from a place deep inside
asking to be heard
in ways more mobile
than hand or foot
more vibratory
than we can chain
and understand
communication
might a doll do it
a phone
words from a book
a call deeper than touch
when we reach with every cell
into the cells of another
when we breathe through
vibration
with ears
in every fiber
and hair
of living
being
there is no voice here
and we are heard
Knowing
there is no voice
and we are heard
cells and hair
vibrate
offer
receive
tree, bird, squirrel,
you, me, no separation
only ease