Heart Happy (cathy_edgett) wrote,
Heart Happy
cathy_edgett

Good Morning!

I apologize for the gap. I haven't been feeling so well. This is my free-flow of the morning and perhaps will help explain. My energy level is really low, and I am feeling a little sad, and all of that is okay, because as soon as I say that, it may change. I feel Thanksgiving so strongly in the air. It is my favorite time of year.
Joy and Happiness to All!
love, cathy


November 23, 2005

 
the power of positive thinking
I was raised with that
mind over matter
and this morning I sit here
wanting to cry
I feel nauseated
so I drink some protein drink
hoping to keep it down
I’m trying to avoid the anti-nausea drugs
and deal with this as much as possible
on my own
and what is this own -
I go in yesterday for a shot to boost
my immune system -
I think that means energy
though they tell me pain in my lower back
and they are right,
I am so tired -
I eat and it tastes good yesterday,
and then there is Jon Stewart,
and I seem unable to laugh,
and I slip into some odd sleep-non-sleep,
where am I - who -
I wake dizzy,  sick,  nauseated,
and tired -
I look out and try and imagine what I am in nature -
what is so depleted and still lives -
the salmon at the end of the run perhaps,
turning white as it lies on the side of the bank,
at Muir Woods,
eaten soon, pecked - exposed to sun,
and is that chemo,
radiation from within -
I feel myself burning up from within -
is this the place
where I reside in change
just lie there like the salmon,
exposed,
and where is will right now -
I want to walk - to step -
and I want to fall right back into rest,
and awake another me -
my eyes close,
I am the salmon after the run,
asleep -
knowing I wake in other ways
and content for now
to not know
what they may be -
I vomit what’s been inside,
now free -
my nose like a bunny wiggles,
trying to reach for a scent,
it understands in this world,
so unknown and unbrewed,
so untested yet in me -
I reach with a paw to understand
and sit in my hole nibbling
a blade of grass
that begins my climb
to greet the sun today. 
I am bunny.
I shake my ears.
I play,
and sleep.   


Subscribe

  • Return -

    I haven't been here in awhile and I return today to learn there is a "new post editor". I start to try it and then go back to the old. I am…

  • It's Morning!

    I've been here at Live Journal since October, 2005. I started it to keep in touch with family and friends as I went through cancer treatment.…

  • The sun is shining!

    Where I live the sun is shining and the buds have popped out so the plum trees are waving white. We've had months of rain, record breaking rain and…

  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 0 comments