cathy_edgett

Return

I posted yesterday from an exhilarated place, and I am still in a gentle, expansive, supported float, but some tears were required for the transition back to "home".  At Vallombrosa, meals are provided.  I share a room, have just what I need, nothing more.  All I "need" to do is walk to various offerings, and even that is not required.  I can sit in the garden, stay in bed, walk around the neighborhood or to town.  I can sit with a tree.  Nothing is asked of me.  I ask nothing of myself.  I follow what calls.  I am my own probe, sensitive, aware, calm.  Connection is easy.  Friends are here.  We eat together at large, round tables.  There is a table for silence if we need that, but we all choose to be where we can talk and share.

Home, I realize I have "appointments".  I rushed to one of them yesterday to learn that because of a computer error,  I was an hour early.  Ah, a pause.  I walked to a nearby park and shed some tears - no reason really - just tears - and then I wrote on a small, wrinkled piece of paper I found in my purse.  Here are my notes:


I feel pressure around Tonglen meditation. I am stuck. There are too many things to consider. Do I save the world, a piece, what piece?

Maybe I'd better start with myself.


Where is the pressure?  Heart - gut - legs - head - mind -


Can I place it in the sky?


What sky? Mind-sky -


The earth reaches up - do I feel her support?


Can I ask for - request - shout out - PAUSE?


Rest in open blue sky


Float in ocean of water or air -


Can I fold into a womb of my own making?


I listen to birds - watch clouds form and change - dissolve and shift - see how they move - shape - dissolve -

Ah, here is breath. Here are tears, and here I feel that I am very, very tired.

Home to rest.





I came home and did rest, and only this morning realized I forgot to attend a "very important" event.

Next month, or not.

In this moment, enough.

LJ Video