Home, I realize I have "appointments". I rushed to one of them yesterday to learn that because of a computer error, I was an hour early. Ah, a pause. I walked to a nearby park and shed some tears - no reason really - just tears - and then I wrote on a small, wrinkled piece of paper I found in my purse. Here are my notes:
I feel pressure around Tonglen meditation. I am stuck. There are too many things to consider. Do I save the world, a piece, what piece?
Maybe I'd better start with myself.
Where is the pressure? Heart - gut - legs - head - mind -
Can I place it in the sky?
What sky? Mind-sky -
The earth reaches up - do I feel her support?
Can I ask for - request - shout out - PAUSE?
Rest in open blue sky
Float in ocean of water or air -
Can I fold into a womb of my own making?
I listen to birds - watch clouds form and change - dissolve and shift - see how they move - shape - dissolve -
Ah, here is breath. Here are tears, and here I feel that I am very, very tired.
Home to rest.
I came home and did rest, and only this morning realized I forgot to attend a "very important" event.
Next month, or not.
In this moment, enough.