I left early enough this morning to get to radiation early, and I actually snuck a 20 minute walk in between showers. I felt prepared, and I felt a bit apprehensive. As they said when I left today, it is nerve-wracking. The preciseness needed in my breath is a bit disconcerting, and they tell me I did great. I, who have studied the breath for so many years, find it curious to need now to be so absorbed, so precise, in mine, and surely, it is a good thing. I leave feeling better than when I go in. Of course there is relief. Another one down, and fewer to go.
I am, however, feeling a bit discombobulated, and I think it is because I didn't have time to fully process my dreams this morning. I had a wonderful dream where I was at my friend Jean's with my book group, though it wasn't quite her house as is true of dreams, and it was Christmas which I love, and I bought a beautiful white chocolate wreath, and a red and white plate filled with Christmas cookies. Then, battleship after battleship came sailing into the bay. I couldn't figure it out, but there they were, and I could see the sailors on them, lazing about with nothing to do. Now, I think the dream was about my white blood cells having a rest, so they can wrap into white chocolate wreaths, and Christmas cookies, and the battleships are coming home, because the battle is over. I think I wanted to stay with the dream, and so having to get up and scurry about, I felt a bit down, and yet, I sat and listened to the rain on the roof of the car, and looked at the red arrow at the traffic light, and saw it as a sign that the cancer is gone that-a-way. No more. Maybe I am just absorbing all of that, this change.
In the waiting room today, I perused a book called Vision Quest by Kate O'Connell Mayfield. It is a book of quotes and wonderful photographs. I copied down a few to share.
The soul would have no rainbow if the eyes had no tears.
Nothing on earth
Is more gentle and yielding than water;
Yet nothing is stronger when it confronts a wall of stone.
Gentleness overcomes hardness;
The power of water prevails.
Millions of spiritual creatures walk the earth unseen,
both when we sleep and when we wake.
To develop the power of water,
you need to be fluid, trust the moment and trust where the moment leads.
Mary Elizabeth Marlow
All plants are brothers and sisters.
They talk to us and if we listen, we can hear them.
Let us put our minds together
and see what kind of life
we can make for our children.
As you walk, the leaves and flowers feel drawn towards you.
Once you have passed by, all of them turn in your direction.
Bathed in luminous energy, they are coming alive ...
You need not do anything.
Remain sitting at your table and listen.
You need not even listen.
Just wait. And you need not even wait.
Just become quiet and still and solitary and the world will offer itself to you to be unmasked.
It has no choice.
It will roll in ecstasy at your feet.
I have trouble deciphering the word "roll" above. My handwriting is not as precise as my radiation treatment. I google the quote and discover this web-site, which is quite lovely indeed. Enjoy!