I decided I had to see a horse before Friday, so I sent an email to Linda, who owns Miwok Stables, which is a mile from my home. I explained I was a cancer patient in the program in
I am getting more and more obsessed with horses, and I am trying to understand why. I am dreaming about them, and feeling this incredible love not only for horses, but also myself and everyone and everything else. I feel myself expanding outward around this experience with the horse, and so you can see why I couldn’t wait until Friday to again see and touch one.
Analytically, I realize it may be because there is this huge eye to look into, a huge eye that looks right back. The horse observes with this huge eye and huge heart and I feel my eyes and heart grow in response. I feel like I, too, have a huge heart, lungs, and chest. I feel the depths and the vastness of the cavity that holds the beating heart. I feel like a horse, like I could run and run, and stand on mountaintops and bellow at the sun, and it would rise and set on my command.
I am solid and strong, my two legs as firmly planted as four.
We watched Grizzly Man the other night, and the narrator, Werner Herzog did not feel anything in the bears but the desire for food. Grizzly Man, Timothy Treadwell, felt much, much, more but then he was a little off. Of course, bears are not horses, and bears have relatively small eyes. They are not like the eyes of the horse, with those long, fluttering lashes. I feel the horse is a Rosen master, touching something deep within, with the beat of its heart, and the beam of its eye which reaches right into my heart and lights it afire.
I want to be atop a horse, and tomorrow I will be. I’ll let you know how it is.