I am struggling with what to say this morning. Yesterday, much of the work with the horses involved the people, those who have had cancer, and so much of the day feels confidential, and yet, it had an affect on me, so how to explain my response without infringing on what others shared is with me today. Nothing was ever stated as being confidential, and, yet, perhaps the sacredness of the sharing is with me.
I will try and speak only for myself. What I see is that I got off lightly in some way as to effect. I believed and felt so strongly the love and support of my family and friends. No one could be as well supported as I. I have floated; I still float on a reservoir of love. I am engulfed in it, protected. I feel safe, both in and out of my inner circle. That is what I feel today.
It is perhaps hard for me, then, to hear the experience of others. I am with their hardship today.
Karen and I have spoken of a way to work with "cancer survivors." Perhaps, yesterday, I felt the depth of what that would be. Emotions are very close to the surface, and I sense a great deal of vulnerability underneath. On the other hand, Jim, head of our pack, spoke yesterday of learning that vulnerability is strength. This is clearly a strong group of people. That is very clear.
A horse has a brain the size of a walnut, and can run 25 to 30 miles per hour. This is a powerful animal, and though the brain may be small, the horse uses all of it, unlike most, if not all, of us.
They live in a world of prey and predator so if the herd is two, you and the horse, one is going to be boss. This is about taking the leadership role. These animals are not friends or pets. We can learn to stretch our hearts with them, but to expect some kind of return on that would lead to disappointment, and maybe that is what it is always about, this expectation we put on life and exchange.
One woman pointed out that horses do not hold grudges. They may pout for a minute, but then, they are so curious they see something else to absorb themselves in. Their attention is caught on, and in, the new moment.
We again practiced with another human. In this interaction, I really felt the energy exchange, felt how and why the horse does what it does. It is an unconscious response to our movement and I felt it when I was the horse. I responded in the only way I could. It is hypnotic in a way, and the mind must focus and flow, and, then, there it is. So easy! We all know that place, and we all know, if we try, it is not to be caught. Once again, I am blessed with lessons in presence and mindfulness, as I interact with a 1200 pound animal, with a mind and personality of its own, as a feedback device. There is great joy and pleasure in that.
Horses talk in emotions. We must stay with them until the task is accomplished. When we want the horse to come toward us, we look at the horse's feet and exhale. The horse is drawn forward, curious, and there is space for the horse. If we stand there, staring with our chest puffed out, demanding, where is the horse going to go? The other way. Wouldn't we? We learned Ask, Suggest, Promise from the horses. They tell us when we are in their space, and we do the same.
For a special treat, Jim says to head up toward Lake Lagunitas, but instead, turn right and go to Bon Tempe Dam. The lake, there, when still, reflects Mount Tam.
I am again up to S. Eliseo today. They are offering skin cancer testing, so I am signed up for that. My nurse friends will be there, and how could I resist another opportunity to see them. I am then going to celebrate Mother's Day with Chris as he will be in Mexico. Steve and I began Mother's Day celebrating last night, as it looks like he will be in Dubai. Busy times, and it is lovely to spread the celebration out. After all, we are pregnant for nine months. We should celebrate that joy for more than a day!! Joy to you, whatever, and wherever, you are celebrating today. Perhaps you celebrate the song of the birds dancing like butterflies in your ears, even if, in your moment, there are no birds.