Heart Happy (cathy_edgett) wrote,
Heart Happy

Checking in -

Well, I have good news and what seems to me to be bad news.

The good news is that Chris and I shared a lovely day. We had brunch at Scharffen Berger and took their chocolate tour which is fascinating and they give samples, and we bought some chocolate. I was reading that you should only use their chocolate in your baking, and that it is worth the extra cost so I have some wonderful unsweetened chocolate here that is 99% cacao.

We walked along the Berkeley Marina, an amazing place on such a day.

The disturbing news is that I went up to the Marin Cancer Center for skin cancer testing day. All my nurse friends were there, so that was fun. They loved my wig. I don't wear it to radiation, and they were thrilled to see it and thought it looked completely natural, and that I looked great. That was affirmingly pleasant.

I went to have a spot checked that showed up on my head when my hair fell out. We have all been politely ignoring it, but when I saw my doctor two weeks ago, she said I needed to get it checked out before my hair grew back in and covered it up. Since this was coming up, I figured it was the easy way to do it. It seems they are going for a Guiness world record around the country for the number of people checked today so I filled out a form for that.

Anyway, the doctor said I need to have it biopsied. When I asked what that involved, his response was "There are no minor surgeries, only minor surgeons." That was not exactly comforting. I will make an appointment with my regular dermatologist on Monday. Perhaps, I was prepared, but it didn't feel like it. I cried, and I feel very tired, and very discouraged. I really see that we need to enjoy each day and not put anything off we want to do. Do it now! You truly do not know. I want to say I am sure it will be fine, but in light of my last seven months, I really can't put my heart into saying that.

When I was driving over to Berkeley, I remembered the words of Anne Lamott's friend who was dying of cancer and when Anne asked her if she looked fat in her skirt she told her she didn't have time for that. Oddly, driving home, the traffic was stopped getting to the Richmond Bridge. It was a long, slow trip home, but amazingly after they squeezed us all into one lane to cross the bridge, it turned out everything was cleaned up and there was no reason not to have both lanes open. There was no sign of anything at all. I found myself angry and ready to write letters, so my peaceful mood of the morning and declaration that I would never get angry at anything again was gone. I was ready to slam the dim-wits of Cal Trans. Anyway, serenity as much as possible, and acceptance when I can.

It has been a long day, bittersweet, and I choose Scharffen Berger bittersweet so I am cacao rich.

I guess I need to say it again. Enjoy your moments. Do what you want to do now. You just don't know what is around the corner, so don't put anything off you want to do. I feel like a broken record, but, truly, truly do, do, do it now. Savor each moment like fine chocolate. Taste fully and suck, lick, and chew with gusto. Chow down on the life that is now.

  • Return -

    I haven't been here in awhile and I return today to learn there is a "new post editor". I start to try it and then go back to the old. I am…

  • It's Morning!

    I've been here at Live Journal since October, 2005. I started it to keep in touch with family and friends as I went through cancer treatment.…

  • The sun is shining!

    Where I live the sun is shining and the buds have popped out so the plum trees are waving white. We've had months of rain, record breaking rain and…

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.